Dead Leaves in White Snow | Journal Thoughts

When I woke up yesterday it was snowing! I was kind of disappointed that fall had only lasted what felt like a week but I was really happy to experience the first snow of winter. It was warm enough that the snow didn't stick on the ground but it looked so beautiful in the trees and peaceful when it fell. I decided to go to my friends house for breakfast. Well, I say breakfast but it was more like lunch since it was the afternoon. We made coffee, pasta and spent the day listening to music and drawing. I needed a day to relax and be with her. She's been getting ready for the next chapter in her life so almost everything in her room is packed away. It felt so different walking in her room without seeing all the posters and art on the walls. For so long her house was my second home. Seeing the bare walls made me think about the memories we made since I first came over. It was so long ago but I still remember our first sleepover, when she introduced me to my favorite song and we would have dance breaks and sing until her mamma would tell us to go to bed. At night we would get all dressed up before going out and spend the night talking about our latests boy crushes over a cup of coffee. We were so young back then but in a way we're still the exact same, obsessed with coffee, talking about our latest adventures...
On my way home one of our songs came on. I don't know why I then decided to drive past our old apartment but I couldn't get you out of my mind. I don't know if it was the colder weather or the song but I cried for the first time in a long time. This season was our season. We would be planning our halloween costume or spending the morning making pancakes and watching movies together. You were my person, the one I could trust. You know everything about me and maybe that was my biggest mistake. I want to scream when I hear your name, I want to congratulate you on your latest successes, I want to tell you everything that's been going on in my life and get excited about life again. It's been hard getting up every morning, ignoring my alarm clocks, picking myself up every day, battling my own demons without you here to tell me it's going to be okay. I hate that even though you're gone you still have this power to destroy me. I need you, I need someone to tell me it's going to be okay.