Chapter twenty four

Dean's Pov

This is definitely not stalking.

I tell myself as i follow them to a big room, keeping a safe distance from them. I've been like this for an hour now, so maybe i texted Emma and managed to get from her where this party was being held, and maybe i contacted dad to ask for a favor, since he has a good amount of connections, he managed to get me an invite easily. Even so i couldn't avoid his questions as to why i became suddenly interested in dance, now he knows it's about a girl.

"is this the same girl your sister told us you've been seeing?"he asked

I closed my eyes tight"Em needs to learn how to keep her mouth shut"

I was met with the sound of dad's laughter "Your mom is excited to meet her, i'm barely holding her back from coming there to meet the girl herself "

That's exactly why i haven't told them anything, mom tends to act crazy sometimes and Allison had enough crazy in her life.Including me, the stalker madguy who's currently watching in complete helplessness as Martinez takes her hand in his while she's distracted talking with a tall lean guy. even though my brain keeps repeating that she's better off without me, my heart can't get the fucking memo. It's a constant battle where my heart's always the winner. That's why i always find myself standing at her class after it's over, because yeah i memorized her damn schedule. I'm always holding back from pulling her toward me and ravishing her mouth, it's the worst fucking torture.

"hey handsome"a tall blonde slides up next to me, her hand going immediately to rest on my chest " need company?"

i gently pull her hand off my chest and step back "no thanks"

She pouts fakely probably thinking it's cute but truthfully, it's just annoying. And again she steps in my space and this time both of her hands go to my chest "but you look so lonely here"

You have no fucking idea how really lonely i feel

I remember i'm supposed to watch Allison and that asshole and turn my eyes to where i last saw them and my gaze clashes with blue eyes.

Shit! i'm busted

I quickly push the blonde away but not quick enough because Allison saw her and saw how her hands were all over me, her gaze hardens as it settles back on me.

She makes her way toward me, Martinez seeming nowhere to be seen.

" What the hell are you doing here?"she snaps once she's standing in front of me wearing some white lace top that could go for a bra for how much skin it's showing and skinny jeans that make her long legs look even longer, she looks sexy as fuck and all for that Fuckface Martinez.

"What the hell are you wearing?trying to give that fucker a glimpse of what he can't have?" i seethe contemplating throwing her over my shoulder and taking her away from here

She narrowed her eyes and opened her mouth probably ready to give it to me straight, which i secretly loved, but the blonde cut her off by sliding up next to me and laying her arm around my waist "he's here with me" she says to Allison" who the hell are you?"

I resist the urge to push her, and not so gently to the ground because she started to piss me the hell off.

Allison's eyes jump from the blonde and back to me"is this some scheme to make me jealous?"

"Are you jealous?"i ask, my voice thick with hope.

She laughs in my face "you can hookup with all the skanks of this city and i won't give a shit, Dean"

Her mouth was saying something but her eyes were saying a completely different thing, i grinned, she is jealous, my heart beats faster at the thought, ignoring all my brain's orders to stay away.

Before i can say anything to tell her that the blonde is not with me, Martinez appears at her side.

"Dean? i didn't realize you were interested in dance artists" He looked absolutely confused, the idiot not getting why i am really here.

"He's not"Allison says then gives me this seething look when the blonde pushes herself even more closer to me if that was possible. Then the worst possible thing happens, Allison pulls Martinez's face toward hers and plants her lips on his. All the air leaves my lungs as i watch the lips that used to belong to me kiss another man.

I was seeing red, i pull him away from her, pull my hand back and deliver the most brutal fist i can master, hearing the satisfying crack as it connects with his nose.

"OH MY GOD"I hear Allison's shout then in seconds she's next to him helping him up and fanning all over him, she sees the blood running down his nose and turns a murderous glare my way "what is wrong with you ?"she screams

You are, you are what's Goddamn wrong with me.

I want to scream at her for that damn kiss but i'm still high on adrenaline and afraid i'll say something stupid and make things even more worse.

So i turn around and make my way through the crowd that gathered around us to find a place where i can breath and get myself together.

I don't exactly regret hitting him, he had it coming since he decided he wanted what was mine. What's making me still seeing red was that kiss, it felt like she pushed a knife through my chest, i will never be okay with her kissing or touching any other guy even though technically we're not together anymore, I'll gladly kill anyone who lays a hand on her, and this is not fucking good for my plan to stay away from her to protect her.

How can i stay away when i can't fucking breath right if she's not near? how can i stay away when just the thought of her with someone other than me makes me want to commit murder?

"Fuck" i stare at my reflection in the bathroom mirror "i'm fucked"

____________________________________________________________

Allison's POV

I was drunk.

A server passed me and i stopped him to replace my empty glass with a full one.

He gave me a look with a quirked eyebrow" are you okay miss?can i bring you a glass of water?"

He already memorized me by now, probably all the servers did, i was the drunk girl who just earlier had two guys fighting over her. God! i can't believe he did that, and he was still here.

I turned around, there he stood, his eyes trained on me and the blonde seeming nowhere to be seen. I smiled and gave a middle finger wave. His eyes narrowed but i saw his lips tip up to the side. I was having the best time meeting all these great famous dancers until he showed up with that skank in tow, just remembering how close she was standing next to him made me want to throw the glass i was holding at his pretty face, i tipped the glass up and finished it in one gulp.

Are the people in this room dancing or am i swaying?

"Come on, we're going home"a deep voice said before i felt an arm go around my waist and my body was pulled against a hard chest. I planted my nose in the crook of his neck relishing in the familiar scent.

"i'll take her home" Jared was saying when i felt his hand go around my arm

"I said i'm taking her home" Dean repeated in a calm voice, but even i, in my drunken state and all, could hear the dangerous undertone behind it " if you're smart enough you'd take your hands off her NOW"

Apparently, Jared wasn't smart enough or he just had a death wish because he kept his fingers around my arm and tried tugging me toward him "i brought her here so i'll take her home"

They stood toe to toe glaring at each other and i couldn't help it, i giggled.

Both guys turned to look at me.

"I can't help but picturing you like two cavemen circling around each other and hitting your fists to your chests"i laughed some more " i'm sorry but it's really funny"

Dean cracked a smile before pulling me toward him "come on baby, let's go home"

Suddenly my laughter died and i glared up at him "don't call me that"

I pushed away from him and turned to Jared "thank you so much for giving me this" i waved my hand around me then leaned over and gave him a kiss to the cheek" it was great" i pulled back and had to hold a grimace at the way his nose looked "and i'm sorry about that"

"I'm not" a deep voice muttered behind me.

I lifted my foot then brought my five inches heel down on his foot.

"Motherfu_"He jumped back , his face twisted in pain as he jumped around on his other foot.

I put my hand over my mouth in mock horror"oops"

I waved at Jared who was openly grinning then started walking toward the exit knowing Dean is right behind me.

As soon as i stepped outside his body pressed against my back and his hot breath hit my neck as he leaned in and whispered "you play really dirty, sweetheart"

I couldn't stop the shiver that ran down my body. God! how much i missed his touch.

His arms circled my waist, his hand running up and down my bare stomach " you drive me crazy, Allison"

I closed my eyes but still didn't say anything.

A car horned nearby breaking the silence and Dean pulled back quickly as though just realizing what he was doing

"the apartment isn't far from here, let's walk back or we can grab a taxi if you like" he said all the while not meeting my eyes

I shook my head when his form started swaying, i thought i was drunk before, but now that a little time had passed...it had really hit me. I needed the clear air to sober up a bit.

"let's walk" i said bending down to push my shoes off, in doing so i lost my balance and fell into Dean, giggling.

"shoes are stupid, why do people wear them?"

He stared down at me, a small smile playing on his lips "so they don't step on a nail and get tetanus, that's why"

"Wear, where, wear. W's are wwweird"

He laughed, so i laughed, even though i had no idea what was funny.

"you're adorable" he pulled me toward him" come here, i'll give you a piggyback ride home to save your feet"

He squatted and i happily leapt onto his back. With my high heels in in his hands, we teetered down the road.

"does this ring a bell?" i asked loudly

He squeezed my legs"yeah, baby, it does "

I leaned forward, putting my nose in the crook of his neck "you smell delicious" i breathed

He made a sound and quickened his pace without saying anything and i let my face stay there enjoying his scent.

Minutes later, i was almost dosing off when he spoke "do you ever wish for something?"

"yeah "i whispered "all the time"

"Chris?" he whispered back, his voice full of emotions. I closed my eyes smiling at the memory of my first boyfriend then shook my head but realized he couldn't see me so i said "no"

He stopped walking even though we still haven't made it to the apartment yet "then what do you wish for?"

For you to love me again like you once did

I dropped a kiss on his neck and he shivered "it's private" i whispered

He stayed still for a few seconds then resumed walking again without talking

The apartment was empty when we walked inside. "Em has a date with Logan tonight" i told him as he sat me down and i had to put my hand on the wall to steady myself when i swayed a little.

He was standing still near the entrance

I frowned at him" come inside, what's wrong? do you want anything to drink?"

He shook his head "no, i should head back"

My shoulders sagged "oh"

It didn't make sense at all, one minute he was staring at me like i hang the moon and the next he's distant and cold. He was holding back and i couldn't figure out why, maybe he needed a little encouragement which i was more than happy to give if it will only bring him closer.

"i'm sorry" my voice came out more of a whisper so i cleared my throat and tried again" i'm sorry for what i've put you through. You were always honest about your feelings while i lied. I was holding back because i felt guilty when my heart started aching for you" i took a deep breath "I was stupid and inconsiderate, i was drowning in my own sorrow and i hurt you, so badly. and i'm so, so sorry"

"What_"Dean is blinking fast. His voice is fragile, uneven "what are you saying?"

"I love you" i whisper. "I loved you before and i love you now"

Dean is looking at me like he might be going deaf and blind at the same time. "No" he gasps, one broken word, barely even a sound.

He shakes his head and looks away from me, his hand is caught in his hair, his body turned toward the wall and he says "No. No, no_"

"Dean_"

"No," he says, backing away "no, you're drunk_"

I shake my head

"you don't know what you're saying_"

"i love you" i tell him again" i love you and i want you and i wanted you then," i say to him"i wanted you so much and i still want you, i want you right now_"

"stop it!" he roars "i don't want you to love me!"

I stop breathing

"it's just your fucked up head giving you ideas"

"my fucked up head?" i whisper

"it's the same fucking head that made you eat those pills, you forgot about that, babe?"he snapped "loving me will lead you to just that "

"you don't know that "i screamed "You are what bought me back that night, i wanted to die so badly then i heard your voice screaming my name and i fought my way back. i love you and you love me, so what's stopping us from being together?"

He shook his head and kept stepping back until his back hit the door

"You _ you do love me, right?" i asked too afraid of his answer

He turned his head away from me and stared at the wall instead. Hiding the answer from me, the answer that would probably hurt me

"Answer me, Dean, do you love me?"my voice shook on the last word

He swallowed before shaking his head.

I staggered back as though hit with a blow. I felt weak, my body unable to stay standing, i slid to the floor, i wanted to hit him so bad then fall to pieces and cry my eyes out.

"Allison" he stepped forward his hand outstretched

"don't " i snapped "do you want to know what was my wish earlier?"i stared into his eyes, even though it was killing me "i wished i had never met you"

Lie lie lie

"No" he shook his head

"yes, i really wish i didn't go for that run that morning and never met you"

I kept staring at the floor even as i heard the sound of the door slamming, silent tears falling down my cheeks. I felt like someone was tearing my heart to shreds, it hurt too bad and suddenly i was unable to breath.

I stood quickly and walked to the door, opening it, i stepped outside and ran to the stairs. One moment i was rushing forward eyes on the landing bellow, the next i was flying, The world rushes by in a blur and I know the pain is coming. It goes by fast, yet slow, almost suspended. Then impact. I feel my bones in my left leg move in a way they shouldn't, jangled. Without looking I know there is blood seeping from skin that seconds ago was smooth. I don't move - anything to delay the part where I take in what I look like now. Torn skin, reddened, weeping. And still the pain doesn't compare to the one still assaulting my heart.