What if I only want to fly away? Be in my own bubble that is only protected by me. Where I am safe. It is only myself who can hurt me. I fly away and I wonder why do I feel so much pain. Why am I always trying to find a way out of my own brain? My thoughts and feelings that will always be the same. Somehow I manage to cope with these feelings and thoughts after all. Eventhough I shatter to the ground a couple of times and believe with every inch of my body that I will never be able to scare away the demons. I relazied that this time I have no choice to go back to the way things were. I had my ways that I did inside my head to keep me going. The difference this time is that I know that I can not keep doing this. I can not punish myself so hard that I fall apart. This time I thought it was no surrender. At the same time that I punish myself I keep running away. Avoiding what is really going on - why I am feeling the way I do. I have my ways but I can not keep doing them and that scares me. I can not fly away all the time by drugs, alcohol and so on. I do really want to and I have a love for it so deep I do not know how I will be able to quit. Flying away - escaping the truth is a easy way out. I have to face my demons and make peace with them. Not push them out and keeping them as far away as possible. Make peace with the most evil parts of myself. The demons have always been something that I believe is something that is not me. They are not a part of me, I thought. But they are and I have to realize that. I will now. Eventhough I know I will escape reality and fly away in the highest mountains around the clouds. I know for a face that I will still do all of those things that maybe in some way hurt me but keep me from going insane. The brain is a weird thing, how thoughts can control you that much is scary and still we humans only can control 20% of our own brains. Is it not completly insane how it is? I wonder and I will probably keep wonder because no one has the correct answer. The people who know what I am writing about, flying away, knows how it feels. Because sometimes you want to be able to fly away and do not feel a thing. Or maybe feel kind of fucking insane. While you are flying it will be epic. When you come back to the ground you will feel nothing, empty as a jar. Nothing at all, only shatters of glass cutting your inside to pieces. Which you eventually have to pick up and put together - by yourself. I will not be scared of my demons anymore, I will invite them in gently and be kind to my own brain that can cause a hell of a lot of pain. And the demons will be kind to me, eventually maybe we even can be friends.