Today I came across old recordings from when I used to take singing lessons. Most of them are of me singing along with my teacher because with my social anxiety, it was really hard for me to sing alone in front of someone, so you couldn't hear me very well in the recordings.

Then I came across this one recording of me at home singing a snippet of Blooming Heather as Ed Sheeran sang it in his cover.

I cried

Cried for the girl I used to be, I hated myself so much, thought it was understandable that I had nearly no friends to speak of and that no one wanted to talk to me. Ugh but she sang so prettily the little me, she deserved so much better than those horrible teenage years, talking to no one, feeling valued by no one, alone and scared of bothering anyone - even scared of being a bother to a doctor at an appointment, scared to ask for help.

That singing voice should have been alone and proud in every single one of those recordings.
music image

For goodness sake sing, speak, do whatever you want to because that's the only way to be happy - I mean real deal happy, not surface happy. Yes, it's easier to get convenient "friends" by conforming to the social norms around you - but those aren't real friends, they won't be there for you when you need a real friend.

Not being yourself is tiring, and inevitably you're going to have to give up whatever form of facade you're putting up and you're gonna feel so much more chill without it... and your singing will be great. ^-^ You're going to be putting up with the company of yourself for your entire life - might as well make yourself comfortable with it 'cause you're gonna hear an awful lot of your own thinking, don't let them be anything but true to who you are and what you want.

Rambling over

Much love ♥