Hi everyone!

Today i want to share my story, well my story about my battle with mental health. My inspiration to share mine was @daytime_dreamin. She shared her story about her battle with mental health. She is a strong person. Take a look at her story also <3

DISCLAMIER(S):

1. Like everyone else that write about this, I am not trying to trigger anyone. I am choosing to write about this because there Is more people that suffer from mental issues and many feels alone. I want them to know that they aren’t alone. If you get triggered, please click off.

2. Also, this is hard to write about but at the same time not because I am pretty open about it because I want to help other, but I did keep it inside for years.

With some disclaimer’s lets begin with my story:

2007-2011- JUST A KID

My parents they split after I was born. I lived in my town with my mom and my dad lived in the same town. I saw them both, but then my mother found someone and decides to move four hours away from my father. I did not understand so much then because I was only 6. I saw my father every other weekend when we moved. It was alright but where I lived was not. The kids at my school in the new town they stared bully me when I was in 4th grade because I had another way of saying things. The way I spoke was different and they thought I was weird and gave me lots of pain. I thought I was weird.

My stepfather was not the nicest person, he changed my mom of the way how to punish me and my little brother if we did something wrong. He would drag us down the stairs by the ear and sat us on a dark room, separated, lock the door and let us sit there for hours. My mom also did this to us. I was never hit or anything, but it was a wrong way of treating a child on 10 and a little boy on 7.

School was not better like I said, there was this one boy that always pick on me. One day I got so mad that I slammed the door so hard into him, after that he run after me and laid me down in the ground, sat on top of me and was ready to beat me. But I was fast to kick him off and I ran off. After this day I came home, and my mom told us we are moving back home because of the bulling and she missed our home town. I have never been happier in my life and I go to see my dad more. So, me, my mother, little brother and stepfather moves back home.

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2012-2014 A FRESH START AND NEW HOME

The start of 2012 we moved back home. It was good to move because I thought this could be a fresh start. A new school. My dad and a new house. It was the first day at a new school. It was fun, and I liked it. I even made a few friends. For the first time again, I was happy. I was happy for a whole year but when I started 7th grade it all fell down again. My brother had problems with school and the students that went there, and I ended up get problems with the students also. There was this girl, she was one year younger than me and she bullied me. I got called names and got yelled at for helping others. She made me cry at the bus often and people just watched. My brother walked with me home, me crying, he is walking and not saying a word. I just wanted to disrepair. Luckily in 2014 I started high school in 8th grade and all of them where gone.

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2015-2017 THINGS GOT BAD

High school. A new start. I met a lot of new people and I was happy. This is a time where you learn more about yourself and your body changes, because of this I started to hate myself. I got depression and lost all of my confidence. I had friends to help but that wasn’t enough.

I was bullied in my own home by my stepdad. He would call me fat every time I ate something unhealthy or take a glass of soda. I drank a lot of water, so he just said it to make me upset. Whenever there was an overweight person on the tv he said always, “That person will be you, and you will be rolling down the stairs”. Worst part is that my mother sat right next to him and said nothing. Every time I would put make up on he called me ugly and there was a lot of pressure at school about grades, body and how you looked. I could not handle it.

Because of everything. I started to eat less, lock myself in my room, got more depressed and my eating disorder got bad. I started looking up stuff like “ana”, “how to starve” ect. My phone was full of it, but none of my parents noticed at start. But my mother asked me if I ate. I lied and said yes.

I struggled with this from 2015-2017. Went so far that I got more tired, angry, moody and even more depressed. I really needed help. I then started 11th grade and I was a little better because I started exercising and eating better, I became vegetarian and was that for 6months. I was getting much better, but it is still in the back of my head. I thought I was getting better, but I was wrong.

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2017-2018 EVERYTHING IS BETTER

Like I said I thought I was getting better because of everything I did, and I met this boy. I have spoken about him before on here. He made me happy and made me feel special, but I was wrong. Here is the story about that.

After everything with him made me feel worthless, even more ugly, used and fat. I starved more, and still use tricks to this day. I wish I could stop. So, I decided to tell my parents. I told them both everything, I even one day confronted my mom that I had depression, but she told me that was bullshit so when I said that she didn’t care face to face she was really sorry. I told them I wasn’t happy with myself and that I hated myself. They got really sad about it because I’m their daughter in their eyes I’m perfect. They had noticed my eating habits and told me to get better and they would help. I felt much better telling them everything. Everything I feel and have been through.

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this year 2018. I have got more help. I have gotten better, my eating disorder is still with me and I struggle to this day, but as bad. I have gotten a lot of support from my parents and friends. Even my new school. I go to the nurse to get help. My mental health problems are my eating disorder, depression and I’m confused of who I am. I don’t know who ME is yet. I am of course working with myself. I have big issue with trust, because of the bully, stepfather who is out of my life, ex-boyfriend, people and boys. I promise I will get better and that is a promise to myself. 2019 will be my year I really hope. I surround myself with positivity and the small thing that makes me happy. My depression and eating disorder will always be there in some way but it will be better, I don’t know when, but I know my time will come but I pray for my happiness, confidence and to feel free every day. I know my time will come.

If you have experience anything like this, talk about it, say it to someone or write it down. That really helped me. You may feel alone and that nothing is going your way, but it will come. Everyone deserved happiness and love. I hope that one day you will get your happiness and feel loved and never alone.

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Thank you so much for reading and took your time to read. Sorry if there is wrong spelling or anything. Feel free to message me anytime if you ever want to talk about anything.

-Lots of love from Julie <3

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