Relationships, relationships, relationships... Something most of us has experienced. But this article is not gonna be about the happiest, all smiles and rainbows part. I have decided to share my feelings and thoughts about being on a break in relationship.
Probably you already understood that currently I am in that situation, position in a relationship. It has been for a month now, after a year and eight months. It has not always been all smiles and rainbows though, but we made it for that long.
It was unexpected even though I knew that we will not be together from day one `till the end. I knew that there will be a break or a separation. I just did not know when that will happen and for how long. There are just some things in life you know for sure and this was one of them. Terrible, right?

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At first, I was broken and empty, and cried a lot. I kept thinking back and forth of what I should have done differently, said differently. I barely ate. But I knew for sure that I do not want to end up again were I was about three years ago. When I was depressed, on the edge of being an alcoholic, with self harm and suicidal thoughts just because I was unlucky with guys and relationships. I made it out of that darkness and knew that this time it can only get worse.

I knew that I have to keep going and being in a difficult situation with education I tried to see this as a chance to make myself better. Yes, I am hurt and often I cry myself to sleep. The lack of loved ones presence and love often gets to me. But maybe that`s just because I love him so much that I can not even explain that in words?

quotes, red, and rose image

I feel like a part, a piece of me has been taken away. I feel confused because I do not have that strong shoulder to lean on when I have had a bad day or the person to text first when something amazing has happened. I fall asleep alone and wake up alone. There is nobody whom to curl up next to. Nobody on whose chest to lay my head on listen to his heartbeat. All I have is a stuffed animal or an extra pillow. The only love, affection and attention I want to receive from a man is from him. There is nobody who is gonna hug me tightly and calm me down when I have another panic/anxiety attack. No one will wipe my tears and hold me tightly against their body till we fall asleep. Everything has turned upside down and I am all by myself.

One day we will see how things will go further - happily ever after or maybe no. But I believe in than everything happens for a reason and everything that happens, happens for good.

quotes, grunge, and tumblr image