Before talking about it I think it's necessary to say what it means. So, according to Wikipedia "Social anxiety disorder (SAD), also known as social phobia, is an anxiety disorder characterized by a significant amount of fear in one or more social situations causing considerable distress and impaired ability to function in at least some parts of daily life. These fears can be triggered by perceived or actual scrutiny from others."

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I want to be clear about it: I'm not a shrink, a doctor or an expert. I'm just talking about my personal experience and how it makes me feel.

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I've been really shy, introverted, insecure and quiet most of my life. I always thought it was normal to feel like this, that everyone felt like that every day. I feel nervous about everything: taking the bus, raising my hand at class, walking on my neighbourhood in case I step with people, going to parties, etc, etc. I saw a movie where the main character said that having social anxiety is like the feeling you experience the moment before you take a ride on a roller coaster, just that you don't feel relief after that, you keep feeling nervous and sick the whole time. And I couldn't agree more!

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This disorder has taken so much opportunities away from me. I quit lots of things because of this. Because of fear, of shame and all that. I'm scared that this will lead to other problems such as alcoholism, drugs, self-harm, depression and eating disorders. I've already dealed with eating disorders and a bit with alcohol, so I'm afraid of that, of falling into that again.

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I barely wanna leave home and it's the only place where I get the chance to be myself and feel good. All I do is watching movies and reading books. I feel like I'm trynna avoid reality and my problems so I live through characters' lives.

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No one understands what it feels like to have to deal with this shit every day, people with social anxiety struggle about it every day and saying "hi" to someone else could mean a victory for us. There's only one friend who I can relate too. She's been really supportive and it feels nice to know that there's someone out there who understands what you're going through.

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The thing is that I don't really know if I want to seek for help. I mean, I'd love to wake up without social anxiety and feeling confident, motivated and stuff. But I don't wanna face my problems, I want them to fix themselves. Although it's impossible, dreaming a little doesn't hurt anybody, right?

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I'll try to overcome this but it won't be an easy task. It's not as easy as it seems. For some of us, social interactions mean a battle, you know? So the next time you see someone that looks grumpy or in a bad mood, instead of assuming they are mad, why don't you ask yourself why they are like that? They might are sad or feeling lonely. I've done that before, I've jumped to conclussions about someone's face, and it wasn't until now that I realise it. Let's be kind towards people. You know what they say "if you can't find good people, become one"

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So if you're out there feeling like this, feeling sad, lonely, misundestood, nervous or something, you gotta know that you're not alone, there are a lot of people who feel this way. You can always dm me if you need to be heard, it'd be my pleasure.

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I hope you all overcome your problems and achieve your goals. Try to live in the present and think about the little things that make you happy (art, reading, sleeping). I know it's difficult to think about things that make us happy but let's give it a try, otherwise we'll drown.

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Sincerely,
simply a human being.