I feel alone. One another time. It's like I know I have many valuable people around me, just one call and they are listening to my stupid voice. Important. Every single one of them means a different world for me. What if I am still alone? It is coming back every time my self esteem is being beaten. That's what I feel like right now. I don't have a specific reason. Lately all I felt was something I can't really explain so maybe it has to be like this. Strongest feelings are the ones most complicated. Every time I speak to someone they tell me how much I have. Yes. How my life is great. It is. How they don't understand. They don't. How I misunderstand loneliness. Maybe they do. I feel dumb. So bad. I shouldn't feel like this next time. Then why I do? Still. Again.

It's temporary. One thing and It's coming. One thing and it's gone.
Nothing bad happened. Why am I sad? There is so much good in front of me. Why can't I focus? Listen? I am just in that state of mind where I know there is nothing to cry bout but I want to cry so bad. I keep recalling every talk, touch and telling myself it has to mean something else. And I am great again. Till yet another day lonely at home with to much free time to analise every bit of thoughts. Deep down.