It's hard to stop. I thought the moment I started noticing and analising smallest things he does was just contemporary state of mind. That passes. Goes away. Like everything. Don't fall. Just focus on what you have next to you. But he happend to be that "next to me" person. I wouldn't ever think we will have something more in common than sitting in the same class. He was so far away. Mindfully. I didn't want to try. I gave up. But all the time I felt like we have to be closer. Connection. Later he said I was different. More interesting. Was I? Please say it again. One more thing that will make me think that it's just as it was. One thing I could think of when you'll disappear again even though you'll be standing next to me. After I fell for someone that was nothing more but a child. It was good. Great. Amazing. Silence. Nothing more. End. Forgetting. Dealing with. Comming back as if nothing happened. Nothing really happened. It was all just a relationship without any promises. But I made a promise. As always. It hurts when you can't even blame anyone for that. Because what was it really? He said what it was for him. I heard it in different way. I'm the one to blame. But I need people. Everyone who comes closer please stay. Stay for longer than some talks, texts, honesty, touch, laugh. I always thought it's enough. Maybe it should be. Why it had to happen again? The same way. I felt like friends and than we will see. No, friends. I said it to everyone who asked for way too much times. I'm just not sure if I convinced myself enough. I felt that need to get to know him to the point when we would laugh bout moments we only understand. I had that. And when I finally achieved it without doing anything and while focusing on my actual relationship, it felt like a drug. I got used to that satisfying feeling of being someone who has his attention. It started to evolve way too fast and maybe not the way I imagined. I think I didn't notice how we crossed that line I created way earlier. And without a second I've let him do it. For the first time I felt I couldn't stop. I couldn't wait. He was everything I desired that time and I was forced to think that he wanted to touch me for a reason not only a feeling. Everyday there is a point I feel I'm high and there always must be something to remind I'm not. Again. Again. Again. And after all that rumour in my mind I find my way to thought that you mean nothing more to me than I to you.
See you when I'm lost for one another time.