200 Followers!!!!
I am so happy to have reached this milestone. I did not think that people would like my poems enough (or at all) to follow me on here.
Thank you to each and everyone of you!

When I reached 100 Followers I wrote about love and how I feel about the whole romance and love topic. I am not sure what I should do this time round. You are very welcome to write me and suggest a topic you want to hear my opinion about. But as I want this post to be a bit more than it is of yet, I will elaborate on my opinion ( about love). So if you are new or haven't read the first ramble, then I encourage you to do so.

This might just sound very insecure and does not pose a problem for most of you, but people are hardly interested in me. I am not picky and prefer to not associate with the hundreds (or even two) people who want to be with me. There is no one interested in me, so how would I be able to love anyone, when there is no one who wants to be loved by me?

That seems to be the main issue, which my family and friends do not understand. It is not purely my fault alone (to some degree it sure is) that I am single. I don't just push people away when they are too close, there hardly is anyone so close.

Other people who are single say that they CHOOSE to be, that they do not want anything serious at the moment, but I would love to have that choice. But I don't.
It is like this great "joke"... 'I am single by choice. Just not mine'
And this invisibility (it really feels like it, no one ever flirts with me, but maybe I am just to shy to realize. Another problem I'll talk about further down*) really starts to mess with me. Is there something wrong with me? Am I annoying, mean, ugly? And I do know, that I should not let my life be influenced so much by what others think but it pops up nevertheless.

  • I have a resting bitch face and I always nearly "run" from one place to the other, because I hate being late. I also do not look people in the eyes, because I am shy and I fear that maybe they think I am arrogant? I could understand that, because I barely look at people to greet them, because I think it is weird if someone stares at you and then greets you if you barely know them or don't talk anymore. So most often I just smile, and people often do not see that because they look away before I can force the corners of my mouth to move. And when they then hear me talk to my friends (I am a very loud talker when I am with people I know and like and I have a really strong opinion on things) they maybe think I am ignoring them voluntarily, because I think I am better or something, when really I am just to scared to talk to them or smile at them.

Well, I am sorry for this whiny paragraph, but maybe some of you feel similar and need to hear from someone else, that they are not alone.

-N.