Something I have always seemed to struggle with is the fight against myself, it has never been easy and it has never gotten easier as I grew older. This battle has gone on for 5 years and still continues to go on until now, never have I bothered to talk to my friends or family about it because each time I've tried, they never are interested to listen.

There are highs, days when I feel so good that nothing can ruin my mood and everything makes me happy. The days when I wake up already in a good mood and ready to face the day, the days when I'm out with my friends and we're all enjoying ourselves.

With highs also come lows and these are the hardest days to get through. Most of these days I lie in bed or on the floor, not wanting to do anything or talk to anyone. It's as if I'm drowning in my thoughts, like I am struggling to resurface but at the same time I'm the one drowning myself. These days are when I want to quit most.

Everyday is a struggle against myself, whether good or bad day, because no matter how hard I try, I always end up left alone with negative thoughts. I've had people tell me that it's just drama and I should get over myself, but really it isn't. I could be out with my friends and suddenly turn quiet because of my own thoughts.

It gets so lonely inside my mind sometimes, not knowing what to do with myself. Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone be able to hear my thoughts so they'd understand how I feel and maybe help me. It gets so lonely that I could be with a bunch of people but I'd still feel like I am alone. I have so many thoughts that no one knows about, I wonder what my loved ones would think if they could read my mind?

I wake up almost everyday with a heavy heart and a struggle of getting myself moving. The way to win this battle is still a mystery but until I figure out how, I will continue to fight, no matter how hard, even when there are days when I give in and not bother to fight. There will be days when I choose to be empty, but I guess, in a sense, those are my rest days.