When you break up with someone you never thought you loved, it takes you a while to realize that you really did love them. my heart is heavy and breaking, broken up with because he simply wasn’t ready, I constantly think why we actually broke up and a million reasons come to mind, but none of them suffice, it was two months, a high school relationship, we never actually went out, for reasons that i’m still unsure of. it sounds stupid and completely naive, but i honestly love him, in the smallest way, but it feels like its ruling my life. I’m bothered on the daily with people saying to me that i deserve better, and he wasn’t good for me. but truth be told, he was perfect for me, he was my lifesaver, he saved me from past and i didn’t think anyone could do that. he made me so happy, whenever i saw him walking through the halls of hell, (school,) my day got a lot brighter, so I'd give him my biggest smile and in return he sometimes gave me a bear hug, I've never felt so safe in someone's arms before, now i feel so incredibly lost. when i see him, memories come flooding back, i think about when we were at the lockers and he put his arms around me and my head was on his chest, I remember his smell, like it was yesterday, when we hung out after school, after all his friends went home and he pulled me close and we stayed there until his mum called. Seeing him with other people makes me feel like the loneliest person in the world, even though i have other people around me, i couldn’t care less because the only person i really want to be there for me, is him. everyone thinks i'm stupid for being so emotional, they only see the tip of the iceberg, within a 30 minute period, i lost my boyfriend and then my parents. two breakups in thirty minutes. that's intense for a 14-year-old. every day i see him happy and thriving without me, and here i am barely holding myself together after he looks at me for more than 3 seconds. i don't know what to say anymore. i saw him at the athletics carnival at school, and i broke down in uncontrollable tears, i ran to the bathrooms, straight past his friends, as i passed them, they yelled, "slut." that completely broke my heart.

" the love in your heart wasn't put there to stay, love isn't love until you give it away. "