trigger warning for mental illnesses

It’s funny, I try to look back to a time I was happy, Only to realize that there were always signs that I never truly was.
I want to feel more and less at the same time
What happens when home never felt like home, does that mean that you need to find somewhere new or that there is no place for you on this earth
I have been sad for most of my life, that at this point I’m afraid to feel anything else. The sadness and darkness have become my safety blanket
How can I expect from somebody else to love me when I’m not even capable of doing such a thing
I feel most myself inside of my head, during my daydreams where I pretend to be someone else
How can I be considered an anorexic when there are days where I can’t stop eating.
Am I actually as forgettable as I think I am
I just want someone who gets it. Someone who gets what I am feeling and going through without having to say something
Have you ever been in a crowded room and wondered if they see the same flaws as you do
Would I recognize happiness if it was right in front of me?
When will I stop feeling guilty for eating?
Am I ever going to reach my own standards?
Why do the things that come after death sound more appealing to me then the things that are happening while I am alive
The only time I don’t feel like a complete failure is the moment when I stand on the scale and the number is lower than the previous day
I was supposed to be the one that was alright
It sometimes feels like I’m a side character in my own life.
People say eating is good for you. If that is true, why does it make me feel worse?