Sarcasm = Life

"If you're going to be two-faced at least make sure one of them is pretty."
"And don't forget to grab a straw because you suck."
"If you want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen."
I'm confident my last words will be: "Are you fucking kidding me?!"
"If you ran like your mouth, you'd be in good shape."
People say I act like I don't give a shit. I'm not acting.
"You almost look human."
"You can lose 50 percent of your IQ just by staring at him."
"Stay real, stay loyal, or stay away from me."
"If you say you're cooler than me... Does that make me hotter than you?"
Never mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
I googled 'who gives a fuck?', my name wasn't in the search results.
"You're the reason this country has to put directions on shampoo."
"Is your ass jealous of all that shit that comes out of your mouth."
"Hey, I found your nose. It was in my business."
"If you listen carefully you can hear me not caring."
"Don't stand too close to the heater babe. Plastic melts."
"If I wanted to kill myself I would climb your ego and jump to your IQ."
DEJA POO: The feeling you've heard this crap before.
"I never forget a face but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception."
"Did you fall?"
"No, I hugged the floor."
"I'm sorry what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullshit."
"Are you free tomorrow?"
"No, I'm expensive."

"Sarcasm is my only defense."
-Stiles Stilinski

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