You will never know why I started to talk to you. You will never know it was because one day I woke up and decided you were the most beautiful being in my existence. I did not know what was to come.
You care so much. About everything. Sometimes you care a little too much, but don't we all?
I remember the first time I had the guts to start a conversation with you. I did not know that it would turn into months of back and fourth, into so many more conversations that I never saw myself having. I never thought you would be the person who would be the one to learn so much about me. But you are. I told myself that I'd never open up to anyone because they were bound to leave. But we talked and talked and things just became easier to say. And I think you felt the same way because it turned into you telling me things you swore were never spoken before.
You tell me things that are important to you. Which makes me feel important to you. There's days where I feel like I care about you more than you are able to care about me. There's days where I feel you care more about me than I could ever care for myself. And there's days where I believe we care about each other in just the right amounts.

But then there's her.
And you with your big heart, loving someone who doesn't deserve it. She only calls when she needs something, she only takes and never gives. She blames you for everything and you haven't seen her in, what, a month now? You don't know where she's at and you're living off of one phone call a week but we talk everyday and I can't comprehend how someone can live that way. I can not see what makes you love her. You can not see that I love you.
I am slowly starting to see who you are and I can't help but fall for each small thing about you. The way your eyes are so caring and hold so many memories that I do not know about. I know you hate the brown color that they are but when they look into mine, I can't help but wonder what it's like looking into them everyday, when I wake up, when I go to sleep. I want to see how bright they become in the summer sun, I want to see them looking into mine when your heart is full and happy.
You are an artist. You don't always like what you create but to me each is a masterpiece and I would go to the ends of the earth to frame each of them and hang them in a museum of your own.
Your hands so gentle as they brush against mine and I can't help but wonder what it would be like if they were purposefully holding mine. And I wonder what they would feel like holding me when I'm cold at night. I wonder how it would feel if they were to grab my arm just because you knew I was yours and all that you wanted was to feel my skin against yours.
But none of that matters because you are trapped with someone who simply can't see what she has. Someone who uses and abuses what I would treasure forever. When all you want is to hold her and she leaves you on hold for days on end, I would be right by your side without a question. Some days I wonder if I'll ever be lucky enough to be that girl. And some days I wonder if you'll ever notice that I would give everything you have right back to you so you don't have to cry at night wondering if you're good enough for this world. It should be me.
But I know you'll never see that.
Your laugh. It makes my heart melt and sink all in the same moment. When I heard it, when I really felt it, it was so sweet and soft. A sound I wish I could hear for all my moments with you. And in that moment of wishing, I felt my heart drop. Because I will never be able to hold your hand and look into your eyes and hear such a sweet sound. How someone could take such a beautiful being and treat you so poorly is beyond my comprehension. How you are so blind to not see what I would do for you is heartbreak.
I have a strange feeling that sits in my stomach. I think of holding your hand. I think of kissing your lips. I think of just getting to spend all of my time with you. And it all seems so easy, so obtainable. But I know that you do not feel the burning for me as I do for you. And all I can do is watch from afar and hope that happiness finds you in the form of someone else.

aesthetic, alternative, and dark image