my first favorite celebrity was sarah jessica parker because we are name twins. my second favorite celebrity was jennifer aniston cos i thought her hair was always so sexy. i have been watching select episodes of comedians in cars getting coffee and a really good episode is SJP's. if you have netflix, definitely watch. she's amazing. she says to jerry how weird it is that everyone in new york sleeps. at any given time someone is sleeping. and i love that concept, that cliche-in-a-way human connection concept. we all sleep. we're all tired. so damn sleepy. and we all sleep, we have to. you can disconnect yourself from someone in every way, but at the end of the day, you both sleep. literally.

i project myself on celebrities all the time. i see bits in them that i want to be myself. and not necessarily rich or famous, but the way they carry themselves and the things they talk about and laugh about. i see myself in them at times, but i'm always looking up to them as inspiration, working towards that goal of my ultimate self. all the things i wanna be someday. charming, funny, bright teeth, kinda weird but lovable, bookish, and of course beautiful hair.

and i share all these interests with them. good at dancing, makes art even if they're not good, effortlessly stylish. even if i'm not. i love to dance even tho i rarely dance in public, i love colored pencils and photography, i love fashion and design.

i'm not a teenager any more, just some sort of recently-new adult. and i love discovering all these bits about myself. i watch rashida jones dance with her instructor and am inspired to dance as flowy and on beat as she can. i watch brittany spears paint colorful graphic flowers in athletic booty shorts and want to break out my pencils and camera. and of course anything zendaya does in terms of beauty or fashion, i am all over it. i draw her sense of fashion into my world when i can fit it cos she's clearly very stylish.

it's ok to have role models. it's necessary to have role models. follow all of your favorite celebs and consume the slices of life they share and take them with you and find yourself in their stories.

a lot of people have raging hatred for celebrities, because they think they're not smart or talented. and i think they're judging them for all the wrong reasons. there are celebrities who do and say awful things to people and make bad impacts through television and interviews and talk shows and song lyrics. those are ugly people. who use their wide audience to spread a hateful message. sometimes it's not clear that it's hateful, but when amy schumer chuckles at her own racist tale of her visits to hawaii, and when meghan trainor says boys will only love you if you have a big ass, and when lena dunham puts words in other people's mouths cos she's worried people hate her for her body, you sorta start to see the bad message.

i don't support those messages and those people serve as my anti role models. i don't want to step any closer towards their manifested inner hatred. i know i'm not perfect, but i don't boast to millions of listeners and viewers how misogynist or racist i might be internally.

you always gotta work towards unlearning internalized hatred.

and while you're at it, praise your favorite stars who have something good to say. and as an amazing bonus, you can take their most lovable traits, the ones that drew you in to begin with, and find yourself in them.