It's not just you...
It is not just you that wants to die sometimes...
You are definitely not alone in this...

No there is nothing wrong with you, you are not insane.
You are depressed.
And that's okay, its okay to be depressed.
But, depression is dangerous.
It is very dangerous.
It controls your thoughts.
It changes your point of view of the world.
It drains you of your positivity and stuffs you with negativity.
It alters your personality, changes you.
You stop smiling.
You stop laughing.
You stop enjoying the stuff you do.
You stop being you.
And no one gets it.
No one gets why.
Some call you an attention seeker, others say u need to pull yourself together and "stop this".
Others say you are making it all up.
Some don't reply but their eyes say it all...

When u experience this on daily basis, when you struggle with your depression and others make it worse for you, they start to come.

Slowly at first.
But then, bam.

You
Want
To
Die.

Why some would ask?

I will tell you why.

Mental pain, like physical pain, can become intolerable.

It can be torture, pure torture.
Your thoughts keep haunting you, keeping you awake at night, the word "suicide" echoing in your mind.

"who cares?"
"the planets won't stop spinning."
"whats the difference?"

A lot of people care but what you need to know is those different people care in different ways.
Some do care but are horrible at showing it...

So in those moments, take a closer look at the people around you and you will see how they do care...
just look out for the details, some are not into big gestures.

the planet won't stop spinning id you disappear, but your mother's world will end, your best friends tears won't stop, your sister's heartache will never fade...

Suicide does not stop the pain, it passes it on...

You already know how hard it is to be in pain so don't pass it on to others, instead plan your journey to recovery.

Your disappearance will make a huge difference...
You will leave empty holes in those who loved you...

What To Do When You Get Suicidal Thoughts:

  • there is one thing you need to do if u have those thoughts, PLACE ALL SHARP OBJECTS OUT OF REACH. Stay away as much as possible from them...
  • this might sound stupid, but make lists, lists of things that make you happy or things you are grateful for...
  • if you feel like cutting, please this is very important, get a black sharpie and draw on the are instead of cutting. This will calm you down and slow down your thoughts so that u can think rationally and clearly.
  • give yourself time. say "I will not do anything before the 48 hours are up" during this time, you will have calmed down a bit and started to think clearly again...
  • if u tell someone about those thoughts and they react badly don't let it affect you negatively because those people are probably scared they might lose you. (those people usually care and show their care in such ways....)
  • call a suicide hotline. what you need to know is that it's not only you, those thoughts have invaded tons of other minds, and its okay it is okay to have those thoughts as long as u don't let them take control. check your country's suicide hotline on google and keep it saved as a contact or memorize it and do not hesitate to use it when u need it.
  • do not isolate yourself. I know, it's so hard to be with people especially in times like this. so, choose the person u want to contact very carefully, someone who is trustworthy and understands your situation and just vent. it will help a lot...

I know I said this a million times already but it is very important:

it is okay to have those thoughts, do not feel guilty or bad or angry at yourself for having them.
those feelings come when the load you are holding becomes unbearable.
when stuff is too heavy and you collapse.
and its okay because it is normal to collapse under weight we don't have the power to carry as long as you lighten the weight and get back up...

Never let anyone tell you that "those problems are not enough to be suicidal about." there is no scale that measures whether something is severe enough to make you suicidal, it depends on you and on how much pain you can withstand....

if any of you guys are experiencing those thoughts and don't know who to contact then message me. I would love to listen to you and try to help in any possible way...
do not hesitate to contact me...

Stay strong.
Stay you.

Lots of love,
~Reem

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