What is the hardest thing you have ever experienced?

!! trigger warning !!

black and white, depression, and grunge image

The hardest thing I ever experienced and still am experiencing is the struggle with my own mind.
I'm diagnosed with depression and emotional instable personality disorder. That means for me that my mind is always fighting against me trying to be a functioning human being. I've got a therapist but I'm still on her waiting list, so for now I'm on my own.
These disorders contain self destroying behavior patterns. In my case it's not hurting myself but more like that I shop over exessively, eat over exessively or sometimes drink exessively. I know it's not good for me but I can't help but giving in on these desires to shop, eat or drink. This is because people experiencing this disorder feel like these thing fill the lack of emotions.
I sometimes can't sleep at night, too. So I'm awake until like 2am and have to get up at 4am. Because my thoughts are so intrusive I can't let go of them.
I'm fighting against all these things but it's way too exhausting to go on like this.
But it's not all bad! I've got good times, too and most of the day I'm in a good mood and I've learned good coping mechanisms that make it easier to get along with these problems. I don't want to end all this even though I had thoughts about that topic. But I know I can improve my situation.
But that is and will be the hardest thing I have experienced in my life.

thanks for reading babes, xo

Disclaimer:

If you feel inspired to do the 30 Day Get To Know Me Challenge head over to @TypicalGirl48's account and search the opening thread to this challenge. I think she did an awesome job to develope those question and to animate people to deal with themselves more, to get to know themselves more and let others do the same. Also make sure to tag her.