1. he was beautiful, but not in an obvious way. given, the first time I saw him, I had liked how he looked. he was beautiful in a kind of sad and poetic way. in the way those stupid teen fiction books write beautiful boys to be.

2. the way he looked at me would leave me speechless and frozen, in a way I hadn't experienced ever.

3. I played this game of "I like him" and "I don't like him, psh" and "he could never like me" daily.

4. he and I would constantly text and talk on the phone. at first, I loved it but it slowly became twisted.

5. every word he would say would blow my mind.

6. he was walking poetry, as odd as that sounds.

7. being with him would leave me dreaming.

8. he had gone through so much, just as I had, and I guess that's what attracted me to him even more.

9. I thought everything was good, great in fact, until it wasn't.

10. he started to leave me at lunch without even telling me.

11. I finally told him how it made me feel.

12. he ignored me and told me he didn't want to talk for weeks. but, he would talk to my friends and say how he loved me and didn't want to hurt me and didn't want to be an asshole.

13. then he ended things, shattering me despite all the promises he made and how he promised to be a permanent person.

14. he started staring at me in the mornings and at lunch, and he still does.

15. he then started randomly texting me. he was normally drunk. it would end with me being insulted.

16. it took all this for me to finally realize how toxic and abusive he was. the cloud finally uncovered my eyes.

17. he traumatized me. I still have the nightmares.

18. he finally hadn't texted me for months.

19. and then yesterday, he did. it started out nice and then it finally got to the insult.

20. i'm trying not to be scared again.