Everything is blurry.
I can't see clearly.
I am starting to lose my grip on reality, the thick veil between me and the real world coming back again.
The noise in my head is deafening, it drowns the real-life noise.
I want out.
I am so dizzy, the ground keeps rotating.
My knees decide to stop working and I have to use the wall for support.
I want to run away.
My palms are freezing but somehow they are sweaty too.
My eyelids become heavier.
My thoughts faster and faster, again and again.
I try to reconnect with the real world but its so far so far.
My breathing becomes shallow.
My heart beats so fast it hurts.
I want to scream.
I am screaming.
But no one can hear.
I am drowning but no one notices.

People everywhere, everywhere.
People smiling people fake laughing people talking and talking non-stop.
people people people
I can't take it.
It's driving me crazy.
I need to be alone.
My breathing is becoming worse.
I
want
out

but I am trapped in this never-ending loop.

over
and
over
again.

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Anxiety.

"Everyone has anxiety."
no?
no

Anxiety is not being nervous about a test.
Anxiety is not feeling slightly uncomfortable in big crowds.
Anxiety is not being not being a bit worried about a problem.

No

Anxiety is freaking out about a test so much you get nightmares for a week.
Anxiety is being horrified by crowds, horrified.
Anxiety is overthinking and worrying about a problem so much you become unable to carry out your daily life normally.

It is the constant, constant, constant fear and worrying.
it never stops.
Your thoughts keep replaying over and over again like a broken tape recorder.
The worrying never goes away.
The worrying ruins your life.
It interferes with your daily life, stopping you from enjoying yourself.

You can't go to the party because there are many people, what if something embarrassing happens to you? what if you fall? what if someone gives you a pot brownie?

So you end up staying at home that night, and the next night and the one after it.....
This is a very very simple example.
Everything becomes so much harder to accomplish because you are always worrying, afraid...

There are many types of anxiety:

  • social anxiety
  • panic anxiety
  • test anxiety
  • generalized anxiety disorder

i previosly dedicated a whole article to test anxiety:

The thing about anxiety is that it hits out of the blue.

You could be sitting with friends, laughing having fun but them BAM you cant breathe properly.

Panic attacks, like the one I described above, can be pretty random.
sometimes they are triggered by things -like crowds, heights etc- sometimes they are like a bucket of freezing water being dumped on you out of nowhere.

Imagine being afraid 24/7...
And it's not even normal fear...
You are afraid of stuff that isn't even scary, like family gatherings.

And its usually here to stay...

you are worrying about a family gathering?
You go and you come back and nothing bad even happens but you still lie there at night worrying:
what if I did something cringey and didn't even realize?
did I laugh too loudly?
what if none of them actually like me and were just pretending to?

over and over and over again.....

(those are very simple examples, some cases are way more severe...)

So for all of you who understand and have been struggling with anxiety, I would not mind at all if you messaged me and vented. I would love to listen and try to help you.

And for you guys who don't have anxiety, I hope this article made it clearer how serious anxiety is.

people who say they have anxiety are not seeking attention :)

they are actually in mental pain that never seems to stop...
so instead of viewing them as attention seekers, take a look at their world and try to understand how difficult daily life is to them...

Do not:

  • do not frown when they say they do not want to go somewhere.
  • do not make them do stuff they don't want to do.
  • do not make fun of their anxiety

Do:

  • be there for them.
  • calm them down when they have a panic attack instead of calling them drama queens.
  • try to understand them.

you guys are not alone...
you are not insane or not normal...
you are sane.
you are amazing...
always be you no matter what...

let your inner beauty shine through and blind those who pushed you down when u needed to be pushed up...

your mental health is no joke take care of it

again, if you guys feel alone or not supported or even misunderstood do not hesitate in messaging me. I would love to listen to you and try to help.

Stay strong.
Stay you.
Lots of love,
~Reem

i recently started a program to try and help others struggling so check it out:

My previous articles: