All my life I tried to succeed in everything i do.
I always get high grades
I never failed a subject
I got into a scholarship
I would do a Group Project alone because i want it to be successful and finish it early.
I just did everything to be good at everything.

and i'm realizing how good I am at failing myself.

"Hey how do you do it?"
"You're on top of the list again!"
"You're so smart"

those words never made me happy. I did not feel the genuine emotions that I was supposed to feel. It's because i know that they have no idea how bad I am at life. They have no idea how my mind screams for Help.

Every night I sleep, I think about how i'm gonna fix myself.
Every night I get paranoid.
Every time I get home from university, I would end up crying in bed because I have no idea what I was feeling.
My minds keeps repeating "I'm no good."

I don't know how to live life.
but one thing I'm sure of is that, there will come a time that i will eventually know and learn.

And i wouldn't have to be the perfect failure girl. I'm just gonna be the real me.

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