there are a lot of people i could talk first crush, my first boyfriend when i was 8...but my first love came a little later in life.
when i was a senior in high school i met my first real love. he was older than me and had already graduated high school. the first time i saw him i thought he was the most beautiful boy i had ever seen.

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when he asked me out shortly after i couldn't believe it...why would this hot guy be interested in little old me? after a girls night of talking about him and what would happen if things got serious, we started dating. for me it was love at first sight. although i was only 17 and about to graduate high school, i knew how i felt.

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after dating for a few months, our romance ended. when he ended things i was heartbroken. i thought for sure it was something i did and that i would have to settle because it was a fluke that he was even into me in the first place. at that point we were both a part of the same friend group so we still hung out all the time. i remember feeling so small. it seemed so easy for him to forget me and be with other girls.

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cut to a few years later....i had been in college for a while now and had for the most part put him out of my mind. until....somehow we reconnected around his 21st birthday. i can't remember how it happened exactly but things were different, we were different...or so i thought. for about a year we were hot and cold, and i fell right back into my 17 year old self.

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another 3-4 years was over, i was working crazy hours. on a random night off i was headed to a friends house for a little party. when i walked in the door who was standing right in front of me? him. it had been years, he had a new girlfriend, i was seeing someone. but as soon as i saw his stupid face all those feelings came rushing back. next thing i knew he's telling me he's changed and wants me back for real. that he's loved me all these years and wants us to be together. "please just give me one more chance, i won't let you down." man....

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things were great for the first 3 or so years. we were mad in love, moved in together and were in a real adult relationship. i thought for sure he was it for me, that we would get married and live happily ever after. but happily ever after is only in fairy tales....after we had been together for about 4-5 years i was feeling neglected. i started to realized he didn't change. he wasn't moving forward with me and nothing in our lives was changing. we were just existing.

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so that was it, after a long and heartbreaking relationship i ended things. i knew i loved him and maybe i always will have some kind of love for him, but i wasn't happy. now it's been some time. we have both moved on. i have found someone who i am truly happy with, and he loves me as much as i love him. there was a time when i thought my first love was the love of my life, and i would be with him forever. but most of those thoughts were from when i was a 17 year old school girl in love with a fantasy. i thought i could stay in love with that, but it turns out life is never what you think it is.

Image by jalal_khan87