I’m a curvy girl. Right about now you might be laughing to yourself and thinking “you’re about as thick as a cereal box”. Not that type of curvy girl. I have scoliosis. Scoliosis is characterised by a sideways curvature of the spine. I try to ignore my condition in hope that it will fade away. In 2015 I was diagnosed with scoliosis at an angle of 37 degrees. In 2016 ,when I went for my x-ray, I was informed that my scoliosis had gotten significantly worse measuring at an angle of 45 degrees. I should mention that when your back gets to a 50 degree angle it is most likely that you will have to get surgery which has many pros but the cons definitely even out.

Temporarily removed

A few months ago I had my first real rude awakening . I was drowning in my tears. I didn't have anyone to talk to, no one understood what it was like to be, essentially, "deformed". I was, and still am, just a few degrees away from having a life threatening surgery. It's 2018 now, and I've refrained from going to get my x-ray done out of pure apprehensiveness. These past months have been gravely uneasy. I've been called crooked, bent, broken, deformed, hunchback, weird, inhumane, abnormal, and just about anything you would dread hearing when you get to school every morning.

bent, broken, and cry image

In January I entered a unwillingly dark time. Emotionally, I felt deserted. No one could really discern what it was (and still is) like to have scoliosis. Although my doctor and parents would demonstrate much sympathy for me, I wasn't looking for pity. I was looking to relate. It took me a while to register that that was not possible. I came to the conclusion that I was very much so alone, and in this for the long run.

scoliosis, bofy, and scolio image

I later learned that I am my biggest bully. I let other people torment me which was the worst thing I could ever do to myself. Scoliosis can't be cured, but can be improved if treated. I needed to face the facts and get over it. I truly don't know if I'll ever be at ease with my back, by reasons of I know it's not straight. However that doesn't make me, or anyone with scoliosis for that matter, weird, odd, abnormal,or inhumane in any way shape or form. My back is not straight. But it's mine.

You have to love and respect yourself for people to love and respect you.

-Sav

scoliosis image