Warning this may trigger thoughts of self-harm, sexual assault and suicide.

Authours Note: Hey Everyone, I've decided to start this series of articles where I will be saying everything I wish I had said to the people who are/were in my life. Just letter to people that I haven't had the guts to say in person. Of course this will all be anonymous so there won't be any calling out people's names, that part will be kept under wraps. I know these articles will be confusing so if you don't want to read, that's completely fine. These are more just to get my feelings and thoughts down, just so my head won't be as crowded. But if you do enjoy them, then that’s a bonus.

P.s Sorry it has taken me a while to write this next article, I haven't had the motivation to do it until now

Now, I'll stop my rambling. Here is the fourth part of my 'Yours Truly' series.

Enjoy xx

Part 4/13

To My Mother,

Where do I even begin...
Firstly, I love you a lot more than I let on. I'm sorry that I distance myself a lot from you. I know I do tell you things but I hide the darkest secrets about myself. You probably don't even realize the amount of times I have cried myself to sleep at night. Or the times I have contemplated drawing a razor across my wrists or even taking my own life.

I know you did everything possible to make my upbringing as magical as possible, I guess it was the slow realization of how shitty this world actually is that broke me. Shitty people do shitty things. People don't give a single damn if you'll end up being in a lifetime of pain. Because I have had nightmares every night for the last 5 fucking years, and nothing fades in my memories.

I think I resented the fact you made this world seem so glorious. Because all of the friends I have had all self-harmed in one way or another. What about that is glorious? Nothing is glorious about cutting wrists. Nothing is glorious about being taken advantage of. And there is certainly nothing pretty about suicide.

I also hate the fact that you try to make me forgive people who hurt me most. The people who pushed me to my limits, made me cry each and every night, to the point of having anxiety and depression. But you don't know that. You only know the fake version.

I find it hard to tell you about the way I feel. I'm so disgusted with the way I have changed and the way I act. I hate the things I have done and I hate that you don't know a single bit of this.

I am not the daughter you deserve, I hope that one day I will open up to you and tell you the truth about myself. Maybe one day you'll forgive me for what I have become...

Yours truly,
Gone Girl.

Note:
You are not in this alone, please seek the help you need. You are loved and wanted. You are strong enough to overcome this storm, I believe in you.

Helplines:
Australia: 13 11 14
New Zealand: 0800 543 354 (0800 LIFELINE) or free text 4357 (HELP)
America: 1-800-273-TALK
United Kingdom: 116 123

If your country is not listed above please refer to: http://worldhelplines.org/

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