A Piece of My Book I Will Never Finish Writing

The observation of the night consumed my mind. Stars were openly spread in the luminous light of the moon. The view from the window of this shallow building was horrible, but I felt the beautifulness through the glass. Hands were trembling and I was running out of saliva to swallow. The nerves were eating me alive. His hand grabbed mine, to intertwine it. The heath spread through my fingertips and I could not help but to blush. I looked up to see his eyes already looking deeply into mine. He tried to read me, but he never could. I reflected a different person than what was within me.

At any second my name could echo through these sad white walls. I felt his hand give mine a light squeeze. It comforted me. It increased the beat of the slowly rhythm of my heart. I turned away from his intense gaze. He wanted to know. He wanted to know every feeling I intensely felt. He would never know, because I could not even handle the truth myself. I bit the bottom of my lip harshly, intensifying the horrid images that were flashing before my eyes.

His voice whispered soothingly into my ear. It caused shivers down my spine and goose bumps on my upper arms. My love for him was so insane that every move made me question his actions. Every word he spoke gave me anxiety and every word I spoke, made me regret it the minute it left my damaged lips.

“I love you,” he carefully let out. He licked his lips. Hesitantly, he gave me a trembling kiss on my upper cheek. Those words felt like daggers through my heart. My eyes left the tiny scratch on the window and focused itself on our hands that were still intertwined. His hands were three tints lighter than mine. I would like to know what travelled through his head, but it would be awfully the same as mine. This man had done so much for me and all I felt was that I had betrayed him in every way possible.

His thumb stroked the side of my index finger, now and then. I noticed he was trying to adjust to my silence. However, I have been silent for years. I had never really revealed my true thoughts, my true mind. My mind had been speaking so loud, but nothing came past my lips.
This was the moment we had both been waiting for. Time for closure. Time to let go of our deepest breath, we had been holding onto for too long. The only secret that we shared, had brought us together; in the worst way, possible.
An older woman walked over to us. Her familiar white coat and brown clipboard made me look up in disgust. The woman’s smile was small and gentle, while I looked rudely away again. She coughed a little. I did not give her the attention she wanted. I already knew what she was going to say. All the warmth left my hands. Due to the sudden cold, a gasp left my mouth. The lady’s eyes crossed mine. Her eyebrows were formed into a slight, confused frown.

“Mrs. Folke? I would like to speak to you alone, now.”

“Ma’am, excuse me, this is not— “

He was quickly interrupted by the brown-haired woman.

“This is the way it is. Quickly, now, Mrs. Folke.”

I took a deep breath. With trembling knees, I stood up from the plastic chair that I had been sitting on for hours. His hand slowly let go of mine and immediately I felt the last sprinkle of power leave my body. An exhausted sigh left his mouth. I turned around to give him a light kiss on his forehead.

“I’ll be back,” promised I.

Lots of love,