so this isnt an article as much as it is a dumping ground for some words cos im in my mood to write but not enough to actually blog or physically write in my journal

and ive been feeling like the weather and its a lil consuming to be short and i feel cold and a little distant and my interests arent real and my inspiration is fleeting and motivation running dry

and i just wanna sketch and feel loose and not worry about the details but i do anyways and theyre there, the details, theyre there but i cant see them, i can only feel them, i can only feel them and i cant sketch them in, i cant pencil them in

ive always had a reason to be sad, a purposeful sadness, many sadnesses really, but never an unreasonable one. i dont have a reason this time. i dont know the reason but i know the side effects of whatever the cause is. i cant clean or wash my face every day or cook or shop or shave my legs or message people i miss. i only know cheeseburgers and tv and the pillowy embraces of those i love

i cried today which i never do randomly. i cry at shows and books but never like, at myself. i told my husband about how sad i feel and then i cried that i didnt actually set dinner out to thaw. i was so excited to cook today and couldnt even do the simple first thing. i wanted to wake up and wash clothes and fold the clean ones away but i cant

the photo of this article is one i took on my phone on the drive to work during a tornado warning in my city. it was heavy and wet and cold and thick and just scary enough. i dont pretend to not be afraid of the weather because i can truly be terrified so i documented the windshield wipers trying to wipe the rain away in vain

so i might write here more often but i dont want to have expectations so maybe if im ever feeling this low again i will remember this, but other than that thank u