When I was little my mom told me
to keep an eye on the valuable things, to not lose them out of sight.
So at this very moment I am trying not to lose you
by calling and texting you.
I know you won’t respond right away because you are busy...
like always.

I keep telling to myself that you are busy
and that that is the reason why you won’t answer your phone.

But I am not stupid because
I saw that you were active on instagram
the minute I kept telling myself that your phone probably died.
Still every second of my little excistence I keep on believing
that you are busy and will call me any minute.

When you did call me I was full of joy and excitement,
just like the 5-year old me was when getting presents for my birthday.
I need to keep reminding myself that I am not that 5-year old anymore
and that you calling me is not a present
but just a normal thing.
I need to see that it is a normal thing.
Unfortunately,
it is not a normal thing for me because I am smiling through the phone,
I know for sure that you can even hear me smiling.
I am beyond happiness for a few days after calling with you,
I was even happier when
I met you for the first time.

Right now I am not happy anymore,
I care too much not to care
and I keep on telling myself that I need to let go.
Please allow me to let you go. I feel like I cannot stay anymore.
I feel destroyed and
you won the fight you werent aware we were having.
You taught me to live without you
and I think that I am finally able to do it.