art, black, and white image

So here I am, not knowing what is the right thing to do.
I'm trying to be the best version of myself everyday.
I hate when, something, which is important to me, depends on someone else.

drawing and art image

I also hate the feeling, when I let someone restrict me in any part of my life.
Shouldn't it be my choice?
No, I just get scared in some point and do whatever feels the easiest.

Abusive image

Here's an example: I've turned off my phone for litterally two months now.
The main reason wasn't the feeling of stress, which I got everytime I got a message.
No, it actually was because of that boy, he meant the world to me...Or let's be honest...I loved him. He didn't really care about me. Actually not about my character, but about my body.
I don't know, I didn't care, but everytime he didn't answer I was fucking sad and yes that wasn't worth it, he wasn't worth it.
But even though I knew, for what reason he didn't just tell me, that he hates me...I loved him.

art, drawing, and iphone image

And then two months ago, I got tired of all of that, of all the emotions and all of the sadness, which were in my head, just because of him.
I wanted to end it...and because I mentally wasn't able to delete his number, I just turned off my phone and let him take over that part of my life, because that was easier, than to block him and protect myself of going back to that shit.

cry, art, and black image

Still, I would love to go back on my phone, just to talk to my best friend again, who lives on the other side of the country, but I'm too afraid of losing all the confindence I've got again.
Scared to fall back in love with him...

You guys, I would be grateful for any advise really...