I wasn’t physically attracted to you the first time I saw you, but then I got to know you and I wanted your attention more then anyone elses. I fell in love with your personality as fast as a coin hits the grown. I knew I wanted you. And the chemistry was so intense I was happy 24/7. You had a girlfriend at that time, and I was confused. You were confused. We wanted each other. The next 3 weeks, one day, you told me you broke up with her. Suddenly I got scared and even more confused because I felt I had to do something. You said you wanted me, you said we are perfect for each other. I agreed. We were and still are perfect for each other. But then I started questioning if I was attracted to you. I wasn’t. I couldn’t imagine kissing you. It felt weird, so I said no. It broke your heart and it broke mine too, you were my best friend. Later on I thought about it, over and over again. Day and night. How do I love him? Do I love him as a friend, or more? I really wanted to be your girlfriend, but relationship scared me, I started looking at your flaws, and it turned me off. I’m sorry Romeo. I really am. I thought he was cute, but I wasn’t sure if I should go with someone I wasn’t 100% attracted to.

So I met this other guy, who was the hottest guy in school. And yes, we hooked up. We did. Twice. And It was amazing. I didn’t love him like I loved you, but I chose the «hot guy», which I never should’ve done. I saw you cry when you found out. It broke my heart. I wanted you back. I was young, dumb and broke. I said to you «We are perfect for each other» which we really were, and are... But then you wanted the relationship talk again and it scared me because i didn’t know if i should go with someone I love and care about but aren’t really attracted to, or wait until I meet somebody else. So I shut you down again. And I’m sorry.

You ignored me for 4 months and 11 days, until I sent you this really, really long text message where I wrote that I really miss you and I just want to be friends because you were my best friend and my life has been empty since you left. So we talked. You said You promised never to get feelings for me again. So we became friends again. Then I saw you talk to girls again. You flirted with one and it really broke my heart. I just wanted you for myself. I have never thought so much, and missed someone as much as I have missed you. Its driving me crazy Romeo. The thing is that, as time has passed by... I’ve found you more and more attractive... I’m so dumb Romeo. I am sorry. I don’t have a problem being around you, but its kind of heart breaking. I can’t friendzone you I’m sorry.. One night in winter break, I had anxiety. I couldn’t fall asleep, I had too much on my mind. But at some point I fell asleep. I woke up at 4am.. I had dreamt that I took your hand and held it in mine, and it was the best feeling in the world you have no idea. That’s when I realized. I’ve fucked up Romeo. I love you. And I love you like i´ve never loved anybody else before. I love you. I Love you.

The problem is that I cannot tell you any of this. You will hate me for saying it. You will never want to talk to me again. And that will really break my heart because I’ve found out that you´re all I want. And it breaks my heart that you never want me again, but I never meant to hurt you in the first place. I was young, dumb and broke. Confused. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know anymore. I’ve lost my appetite. I don’t eat. I don’t drink. I just feel nauseous and alone. What can I do to get you back and make you trust me a 100%? I never meant to hurt you. I’m not that kind of person and I’ve never been like that. It was never my intension. Please forgive me Romeo. I love you. And I just need You to love me.