i thought maybe I was jealous when i saw her in the grocery store. I thought, maybe I'll never be cute like her. her hair was pale pink and hiding under a black cap, like mine. I had to walk by her to get to the almond milk, but I pretended not to see her and walked a different way. I had a river in my throat. I wanted to cry. I started crinkling the bags of cheez doodles, focusing on the way the foil hit the blue-fluorescence of commercial lighting. I dont eat chips. I needed air.

My boyfriend of 3 months, kissing me. I imagine he wants her. I imagine him imagining me as her. I feel sick as a child. I feel actual rage and my face soft and red and wet with tears. He doesn't notice.

Checkout aisle. I pretend to forget something. I walk into the toothbrushes, the flouride aisle, the deodorant. The smell attacks my face. I didnt get it at the time, but the fragrance hit me more then because my sinuses were recovering from the salt of tears.

She is there. Her voice is deep but soft. She wears no expression under her clear plastic frames. Her legs are plump. I feel sick with what I call desire, a kind of want I never feel towards a male human.

I can't stop thinking about her. It's been another week.

I feel like she's like me. I guess that's all it takes?.. I hope I never see her again. I don't think I could handle it.