I woke up this morning feeling just fine. I thought it was weird since I always wake up worrying about something I shouldn't, but I decided to go with it whilst waiting for the familiar wave of anxiety to hit me.
I haven't had hot cocoa in years; there's this unspoken rule, you see, that University students shouldn't drink things like that. It's all about the coffee, the alcohol and the energizing drinks to help keep your eyes open after hours of studying. I have been unconsciously living by that rule, but today, for reasons I cannot decipher, I decided to make myself a cup of hot cocoa instead. And right now, as I sit in front of the computer writing this, I’m drinking my cup of delicious hot and sweet chocolate milk and I wonder why did I ever stop drinking it? How many things I used to enjoy have I stopped doing because the people around me decided to do something else instead? How much of the decisions I think I make for myself are actually dictated by other people without me even knowing?

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I’m one to overthink things like this. Whenever and idea is set in my head, I must go around it a million times and decipher the what’s and how’s behind it. And after hours of deep thinking, hot chocolate and more biscuits than what my body can handle, I’ve come to this conclusion:
People need people. That right there is pretty obvious, we all know it, even the so called lone wolves do. But it’s not just about spending time with other people, sharing feelings, ideas, stories. It’s also about copying each other without even realizing it. It’s kinda like the “meme effect”, someone makes a joke that you find funny, so you pass it onto your friends and they do the same with their friends and all of a sudden it has become viral. The same way, we copy people attitudes, opinions and ways of living. And in the process of doing this we lost most of our individuality, which is what grandmas like to call “_what makes you special_”. And fuck that, I wanna be special. I don’t wanna go out on a Friday night because that’s what people do. I wanna do it because I like it, because it brings me joy. I don’t want to wear certain clothes because they are the latest trend or eat in a certain place because a big corporation is telling me I’m gonna be loving it while I stuff my body with the shittiest food ever. I wanna be the mind behind my own decisions, not a puppet on someone’s string.

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So here’s my conclusion after such an existential rant: do whatever it is you want to do because you are the one that wants it that way. So go ahead and paint your nails in that bright pink color you know your friends are going to hate, listen to all the boy bands you want without the fear of being made fun of, have a collection of freaking post stamps glued to your bedroom wall if that’s what you are into. And for the love of God, of yourself or whatever it is you believe on, drink that cup of hot cocoa if it makes you happy. I know I will.

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