Trigger Warning: Depression

I have been wondering how can I see if someone is sad or having a hard time. How can I see through their eyes and know that something is not right? What should I say to get the truth, and not just another tired and half-hearted "I'm fine"? How can I prove to be trust-worthy, and not another person who just wants to judge them? What should I do to prove I am not going to blame them for what they are going through? What should I say if they need to feel better?

How does sadness look like? I wish I could answer that question. But I do nott know. I suffer from depression and I know many people who do as well.

How do I look like? How do they look like? When I am with my friends, the people I love with all my heart, I'm truly happy. Happiness is not a permanent state. I am happy when I see my friends smiling and I think, "I'm so lucky to have met this person and I'm so thankful for them". I laugh hard, I do. I cry often as well. I get angry too. I feel hopeless most of the time. I feel hopeful as well. I feel like a normal person, but… what is inside of me? A deep sorrow, something I cannot stop thinking about, something that aches too hard, so hard that I feel like I cannot take it anymore. Always a little bit sad. Always guilty even when I make no mistakes. Always thinking that the worst is gonna happen. Always expecting something terrible to happen. Why do I have to go through this alone, even though I have been almost begging to be helped so desperately?

A smile does not always mean that everything is alright. Sometimes it just means that they are trying. Sometimes it means anxiety. Sometimes it means they are tired of trying to make people understand how they are feeling.

How does depression look like? I know several people who suffer from this nightmare, but I do not know how to describe their faces. You would not know they have depression if you were going to guess. They look like everyone else. We are like everyone else. We smile, we laugh even harder, we think so many things are funny in a tragic way. But we love too. We love deeply and get hurt most of the time. We are sensitive, we need to feel always welcomed and loved.

How does sadness look like? I… I do not know. It is just there. Sure, you can be happy, but your eyes are always going to be a little bit sad. Depression is the way you look the world and think "Ah, I wish I was dead", even if the sky is hauntingly beautiful while you say that.

How does sadness look like? I do not know. The truth is that you never know what is going on someone else's life. And you should not talk if you do not know. And you should never judge.

Who are you to decide how should a depressed person look like? Who are you to decide what a person has gone through? You do really think you know everything?

How does sadness look like? Maybe it is transparent. Maybe just the right people can spot it. Maybe people who suffer from depression try to hide it because they know they are going to be judged.

How does sadness look like? Maybe people should stop setting standards for illnesses. Maybe it is not about how you look like, but what you feel. Maybe it is not about how I look like but what I feel.