I woke up early today, and all I could think of was those beautiful brown eyes, that perfect smile and that amazing voice. I got sad, I wanted to lay there on my bed for the entire day.

Unfortunately, that's not how life works, life doesn't give a damn about feeling and pretty memories. So I got up, got dressed and walked out the door to get on with my day. And I did just fine, i managed to laugh at my little brothers jokes, I ate and actually quite enjoyed it. It was okay, but I had you at the back of my mind, it was okay because I busied myself with other things. Things that had nothing to do with you. I went to school and did as I was told, and to some extent, I must admit, it all felt forced. I didn’t feel natural, but that was okay, after all the world is not about to wait for me to leave dream world, the world will keep spinning there for, I must keep walking, right?

I walked the same streets that you walked with me, I remembered the laughs, the smiles, the long unnecessary walks and the beautiful sound of your voice. My feet took me to my destination, while my brain took me on a wonderful trip. A trip full of tears and dead ideas. Some people stared at me as I cleaned my tears with my sweaters sleeve, it stills smells like you from the night before. ¨people must think I’m insane¨ I thought to myself, what type of person walks a crowed street crying her eyes out? The answer: me.

Home felt nice, home felt save. Nothing to remind me of you anymore. Everything that once belonged to you is now with you. Yet my brain can’t help but wonder if you are looking at that ring, the one that rested on my finger for around a year, and asked yourself if what you said was right, if your decision was correct. I’ve smoked plenty by this point, but I can’t help to light another cigarette, inhaling all of the words and at last releasing all of my emotions, and they disappear into thin air. The smell penetrates, just like you did.

Then night rolls around, and god damn it do I hate the night. Because the night is filled with images of you. The night is now a constant reminder that you walked away, that I wasn't strong. The night makes me wish I still had that stupid ring to hold on to. A symbol of hope, faith and, to some extent, love. Night time means tears and pain. So I pull my covers over my body, I close my eyes and smile at your eyes, but I’m not happy. My chest feels heavy, as dramatic as it sounds it’s what I feel, heavy, tired, and I just want a glimpse of hope. Not that you'll come back, that I will.

E.S.R