When living with divorced parents you always end up as a bad child in their eyes some moments. It's mostly when there is a problem and they both have different solutions, but you are the one who has to say which is better. That's when you speak up your mind not realizing what it means to them. Then the horrible part comes. You support one, the other says you've always been on their side, starts to make you feel like it's wrong to say your opinion. The war between my parents is between them, not me and them. They can't understand that i can't choose one. I can't choose who is right about something, i can't choose whose solution to a problem is better, i can't choose who i love more, i can't choose who i'd live with if they separated.
The main reason why people divorce is unforgiveness. One makes a mistake, the other starts to hate the other, makes fast decisions, wants to get rid of the problem by getting it out of sight. My dad cheated on my mom, which is actually the only real reason for divorce according to bible. If you saw my mom now, the way she acts, talks, lives, you'd think she doesn't have the right priorities set. She's always yelling at us, she always acts like she doesn't know the answer for your question because she's too lazy to actually help you. She's got a good job a year ago so she's got the money. But she spends them on unnecessarry stuff instead of taking care of home. Most of the time when being at home she spends at the balcony, calling with her friends, smoking one by one, acting like she's the smartest one in a game, giving therapeutic advices to everyone. Sometimes i really feel like she's a therapist. Instead of giving good advices she simply comfort the person by cussing at the problem, or person they got in an argument with.
But she wasn't like this before. She was a good mother, she was kind of strict but she was much more family oriented. She used to write letters to dad when he was away at work abroad. She used to paint, she used to be nice. That was before her heart which belonged to my dad got broken.
Heartbreak makes us colder. It rips our hope, trust, idea of future. My mom has been through a lot because of my dad. He was cheating on her, spending money on game machines, alcohol. I think it all made her a totally different person. My mom was trying hard years ago, and she got nothing.
I remember me crying in my room hidden under the blanket while hearing my parents yell at each other. Dad always took his stuff, and said that it was impossible to talk to her. He was leaving and leaving. Sometimes he left for weeks. The saddest thing is that i'm living a cold life too. I didn't even get a chance to have my heart broken by a boyfriend. My dad did it.
One day my dad had car accident. My mum says he came back home after that because his "lover" wouldn't take care of him. He says he came back because moments like sitting in a crushed car makes you realize what you want to live your life like. He came back and i was waiting for him. Like always.
Although my dad taught me what it is like to have my heart broken, he also taught me what it is like to truly love someone. It's about forgiveness. It's what we're missing as humans.
After he came back, he never left again.
He started to try hard to make it work.
I guess that's the sadness of life. It doesn't give chances to go back. It doesn't let you change past. My dad is trying hard now, and gets nothing.

Today he told me he's looking for a job in a different city so he'll be moving out soon.
It's impossible to believe they were in love once because now they act like enemies. I'm sorry life didn't work it out for us.

If you read this, i want you to always think about your decisions. Think about what is right and what is wrong. If you decide to spend your life with someone, don't give up when trouble comes. Forgive because you also make mistakes and need forgiveness. Most importantly, don't get your children included. It might break their hearts too.
Life doesn't give us the chances to change past, so make sure you won't need it in the future.