Hi guys, it's me. I decided to talk to you guys today about something that's.. very special. Obviously, everyone falls in love. We all have our first crushes, the boys we think are cute. As we get older, though, it changes. We start to feel this gushy feeling in our chest as we talk to them. Relationships as we're young are simple. It's holding hands, hugging. Eating at our school lunches together.

But we all meet someone who just makes our hearts beat out of our chest from just the thought of them. Someone who when you talk to them, it feels like you're on the top of the world. All you want, all you need, is them.

And that's the situation I'm in currently. There is this guy, who I am so hopelessly in love with. I don't know how to put it into words. But the things I feel for him, are so bizarre and intense. It's like every feeling of joy, gushiness, love, and happiness at once. I wish you guys knew just how much I love him.

I've only known him since January, though. Yes, I know I sound idiotic for typing this whole fucking love novel when I've only known him for three months, but it just feels.. different. He cares for me, and shows me he does in ways that you only see in movies. I've told him that I don't want to rush a relationship, since I really just want time on my own. I haven't really been in the best place recently, and I think self-care is deemed just a tad bit more important than a boyfriend. But guys, I genuinely feel like I've scored!

But, there's a downside to this. Yes, right now, we're in the flirting stage. Yes, right now, it's wonderful. Yes, right now, we're happy as a flirty slightly in love pair of friends. But that's how my past two relationships started. And in both, the other person became abusive. I'm terrified of that happening again.

I don't want that to happen again. But what if it does? That's a fear I don't think I'll ever be able to get myself over. And who knows, maybe this guy truly is the 'one' and he's going to end up being the man I spend the rest of my life with. Or, I'm just feeling strongly for him, and if we ever do get in a relationship, it won't work out. Life will just have to take it's course. I just feel.. oddly in love.

Like, almost obsessive in love haha. I just love how he makes me feel. Most of the relationships my friends are in, are just held together by sex. But this is so much more than that.. and we're still just on the friend label.

I don't know guys.. I just feel a passion. A desire, and a want.

I'm in love.