I find my self breathless around three times a day and that's only on a good day. I find myself all of a sudden gasping for air like i am drowning in fresh air and it makes absolutely no sense whatsoever and realising that makes the through retching breaths come even faster and its too much like i'm swallowing to much air and none of it is actually allowing me to breathe.
then i realise i need to fix this fast otherwise I don't think ill ever have to breath again. I try to be rational and slow my breathing and calm myself down but then all of a sudden i feel like my face is drowning as the tears slowly but tensely threaten to come spilling down my face. NONONO.. i can't let this happen not here i can't let everyone see how week i am fight it just fight it stop being so pathetic just get a grip of yourself your so stupid why are you doing this your being so dramatic you don't even need to feel like this i mean look at you why can't you just be happy... Okay come on you can do it just count to ten and keep your brave face on. 1 deep breath 2 clench your hands 3 gain back some self control 4 in through your nose 5 drown out the screams 6 play with your hair 7 game face on 8 exhale 9 big smile 10 laugh it off.
But you an only hold back the screams for so long the longer the angrier they get so you train yourself to fight them of at night but once it gets to the night your to tired from fighting them all day and you just let them have there fun by letting you rip apart your soul piece by piece but even at night you have to quiet your breaths so nobody hears as the million of broken pieces that i'm made of shatter against the silence of loneliness.