New Year, new class, new crush

A new boy slid in late to my first grade class. I was hooked the moment I saw him. Blonde hair and blue eyes, my favorite combination. He introduced himself as Peter.

We became friends soon. As any other child, we played and hung out during break. Nothing special. But that's what I liked about it. No drama and "She has a crush on you!" incidents. We were friends and I liked him.

I don't remember much of our friendship but a series of blurry memories. But one stuck with me. We were doing a big play about the creation of the universe and baby Jesus in a known theater. I was a white angel and he was the blue one. The white ones were the dancing ones, so I was part of the big group. But his role was special: he was the only blue, and he would be the one who played the angel that visited baby Jesus in his birth. At first I wanted to be the pink angel and have a role next to him, but only the light haired kids got chosen for main roles. When it ended, he walked all the way from his backstage dressing room to mine. We sat on the floor outside the room while the other kids walked by for them to be picked up. I don't remeber anything of what we talked about but that innocent, bright smile.

We eventually grew apart. Two years later our school separated boys and girls in different classrooms. Time passed and I moved on, but from time to time we would exchange looks. Usually I half-smiled and looked away. I was just glad you were okay.

In highschool you were part of the main gossip. You made out with that girl from that other school and never called her again. You told this other that you liked her and then you erased all your pictures from Instagram you had with her. We then had this debate elective together but you weren't the same. You had your hand in this other girl's hair, sliding secret words into her ear. I looked up from my laptop when I heard her laugh. Great, now I knew I had to do the research for the debate alone. But I didn't say anything because I knew I worked better alone.

When I got to know his grown-up self I stopped caring about you entirely. Until you spoke to me again. I was painting a big Wall-E for our presidential campaign. It came pretty nicely, so when I was writing our slogan you appeared and crouched by my side.

"Are you going to write it in Japanese?"

"Nope, just plain calligraphy"

"Oh, I thought so because you study it, right?"

"Yeah"

"Y'know I still have that drawing you made me"

"Which one?"

"Remember that time we were in Workshop? I asked you if you could draw my brother on my wood project."

He patted my head and smiled. That same smile. Later I wonder if deep inside he's that same boy.

Hanging out with one of my friends she tells me that Peter once told her that he used to like me back in first grade. I believe her because she had been good friends with him before she did with me. I suddenly think of a parallel past when Peter and I shared a mini school romance. Would I have had an impact in how he turned out? In how I turned out? But all I know is that in this reality, we grew up to be very quite different.

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This is the second of my articles in this mini cleansing series. There's not much drama because I'm still on the part where I'm little. But there's two in particular I want to write out to let it go. Maybe I won't go chronologically in the next few stories.

I've been in a relationship for quite some time now and I almost forgot how I used to have TONS of crushes on people. Some of them left a nice memory in my head and some did more harm than good, so I'm writing the story of each of them to let go completely and refresh my mind. Hopefully you'll find them fun to read, especially because I think I learnt at least one lesson in each of those crushes and have included them here. This wil be a series called 'Busy thinking about boys', in honor of Charli XCX's song, my favorite from her, and because this crushes TRULY wasted my thinking time (I daydream a lot lol).

Stay beautiful,

xo dani

(Check out my collection to know the rest of my stories!)