what my anxiety whispers once the sun disappears

How did your day go? Did anything upset you? Did anything bother you? Did anything went wrong?

That one thing you just mentioned, I bet this was way worse than what you claim. Don't swallow your feelings. You need to let them all out. This deserved to be talked about, to be discussed. I'm here for that, I'm here to talk. Don't minimize what you've been through.

There's only one thing you should remember: you can only allow yourself to let it all go right here. In the comfort of your own home, in the comfort of my own arms. I'm the only one who truly care, I'm the only one who will give you the attention you need.

And you know, I'm also the only one who will be honest with you. I'll be the only one telling you when you're wrong and when you did something bad. I won't try to preserve your feelings, you're stronger than that. You're better than that.

Yes, you're strong. That's what I said. But there are so many improvements you still need to make. You need to reach perfection. You need to be more social, more interesting, more successful, more smiley, more pretty. You need to be less emotional, less ignorant, less weird, less fat. Less you, more me.

Don't get me wrong, I love the way you are. But life is not a Bruno Mars' song. People don't like your flaws, people are not attracted to what makes you you. People want perfection, people want clean and good and healthy. Staying the way you are will not make people love you. Since how long has someone manifested the slightest interest in you?

But don't be impulsive, don't take risks on your own. I have to approve every move you take, every decision you make, every word you say if you want to be a better version of yourself. If i shut you down completely, it means that this person hates you. If i prevent you from doing something, it means it's better for you. My approval is the only thing preventing you from being a complete mess.

After all, who needs a boyfriend? Who needs best friends? Why can't a woman be her own lover, her own friend? Why can't you be on your own? Why do you crave attention so much? Why aren't you enough? For you, or for anyone else?

Either way, you don't really have a choice. You know, it's not like anyone wants to love you. It's not like anyone wants to be with you. I'm the only one who can appreciate you, physical appearance doesn't matter to me.

I know this is hard to hear, but it's for you. Only you. Those girls behind you in the bus were probably talking shit about how your hair looked. Wasn't that obvious? I mean ... look at you.

You should really start some type of sports. But not at the gym. And don't talk to anyone about your goals. Imagine their disappointment when they will realize that you can't even accomplish that? My own disappointment will be enough to bear. Trust me, I'm the only motivation worth having.

I know I already told you that last night and every night for years, but you never learn your lessons. You tried to socialize today, when will you remember that you can't let people in. I'm the only one good for you. They will all abandon you. I won't. Never. I love you too much to leave your side. I'm the only one who care enough to tell you everything you don't want to see about yourself. I'll bring the best out of you while your friends will try to overthrow you. See the difference.

Yeah. Sorry to break it to you, but all your friends secretly hate you. Think about all the minutes they took to answer your last text, think about the cancelled plans, think about the jokes they didn't laughed at, think about the blank stares when you speak. Isn't that obvious?

I'm the only one who listens. I'm the only one unbothered by your lack of extraordinary. You are simply average. If I stop you from going to parties, it's because there will be drunk boys and girls wanting to play Never Have I Ever and your pathetic life will be the only thing they'll remember from the night. They'll be ashamed for you, they'll be ashamed of you. Who wants to be friends with such an uninteresting person?

I hope you learn your lessons. See everything you can learn from one single day. And you thought nothing was wrong in your life. Something is always wrong. Something always needs improvement. Always.

You should probably rest now. What? You'll have trouble sleeping with all those hurtful words I pronounced? Don't blame everything on me. I'm not Insomnia. I'm the good guy. I'm the poor guy trying to make your life better and here's how you thank me?

Anyway, I'll see to you tomorrow. I won't leave during the night, I promise. I'll stick with you, I'll love you until you love me back. I won't give up on you even if you don't deserve my attention. Tomorrow, I'll go to work with you. I won't leave your side for a second. You need me, even if you can't see it. Now go to bed, you need some sleep.

— n.h.
Temporarily removed anxiety, orange, and aesthetic image anxiety, orange, and aesthetic image grunge, boy, and couple image