Social media was the perfect tool to attack me in every possible way.

I remember how back in the day I would compare myself a lot to other people. I would break my confidence by putting myself down when comparing myself to others and I would put others down in my head make my confidence.
My confidence was fragile.
Like my happiness, it was depending on other people.

cool, gucci, and selfie image

I downloaded Instagram and was trapped.
I looked at my feed with all these pretty girls and I felt like I had to present myself there and have my worth measured by the likes and followers I got.
It was bad.
Really bad.
On top of that people always presented their "awesome" lives and their possessions.
I posted pictures of myself heavily edited them with filters and tools to remove my pimples.
I would compare how many likes I got compared to a friend of mine who is the definition of beautiful just like society would put it in an encyclopedia.
White, blue-eyed and blonde.
Thinking back it was stupid.
Of course, it was stupid.
I deleted Instagram for a year because it was all I could think about.
Likes and followers and pretty people with pretty lives that I didn't have.
Sure, people tell you its fake and whatnot.
But the feeling of getting validation from strangers on your looks is something that everyone more or less is drawn to.
My Instagram-less year passed by really quick.
All these thoughts and feelings of anxiety were minimized.
I had more time all of the sudden.
I read more books.

Temporarily removed

When I downloaded Instagram again I decided I would see it as an art project.
I Post witty captions and have a color-coordinated feed to distance myself from the feeling of presenting myself and solely getting likes and comments on my looks.
(As a result of that selfies are pretty rare on my Instagram feed btw.)

girl, fashion, and style image Mature image

It's crazy. Even though I feel like my anxiety towards putting myself out there will never really go away, I see a social media as a good thing as well.Today I use Instagram for inspiration. I follow mostly PoC, body positive, and music and fashion related people.
No one gets on my feed just because they have a pretty face.
And it's true. We have the whole world on our phones and yet we decide to share our fake faces and fake lives with everyone as if the world isn't fake enough on the mainstream media.
People who break the rules and speak up about problems in society are the ones I give my attention to and these people should be supported.

Thank you so much for reading.
(And thank y'all for 2k followers and for the nice messages)

My last one.
It's lit here as well.