dear whomever that may read,
I'm a lost pretty girl, that is broken.
No one sees it and no one fucking cares. I've wanted to write this forever. Every month or every three or two, I have a mental break down. On how much people care little. I have no friends, men want me for my looks, girls want to be friends with me for my looks but once they know the broken side of me, they turn away and never come back, never ask how my day was and just want to know how I will look or what will I do. No one talks but just looks. Never talk to me outside of school and my phone is empty except YouTube videos, Instagram post or tweets cause all I do on my spare time and distract myself from how alone I am but once I look at my life at the present all I want to do is cry to the ends of the earth. I can't go to a new school, if I do people will do the same thing again and the worst part is that I'm shy and I isolate myself from everyone too because I feel unwanted. I don't know what to do except to distract myself of my reality of everyone that treats a beautiful girl so badly and who is alone. I can't bring myself to talk to anyone, just the voice in my head is saying "no one cares about you", "everyone thinks your mean cause your socially awkward", "you're so pretty how are you" but not really caring and if I say how I really am they give me pity and never talk about it again, "no one likes you for you" this really explains itself, no one likes my personality with my looks, it's apparently not a good combo. I need someone and I have no one. If I go to family, I'm being called a drama queen. If I go to "friends", they say oh and want more detail for tea and go on with their life. I'd rather talk to complete strangers then talk to people I know cause I feel non judge cause I couldn't care about what they think. I have had a crazy past and my family ruined myself which also who made me, me.
Which I don't want to claim myself like that as is but I need to stop denying the fact how alone I am and in this world everyone is full of shit and fake to who I know. I need real people who will not turn away, who i can talk to everyday and never get bored of me , who will care and I give the best advice but I don't know what to do. I'm just blabbering and I don't know where this went to but yeah. This is what's happening and I'm lost & not okay.