Ah, first love.

Or crush. Whatever. It felt like love when I was 5 years old anyway.

(Man, I was one romantic-ass little kid)

In our kindergarden class we were only four girls in the middle of ten boys. To be honest, I don't remember ANY of the personalities of two of them, although they were my best friends. But Andrea's. Gosh, she took my 'Miss Sports' crown that year. I remember her. There was something bigger than a crown that we were fighting about that year: Alex.

"Tomorrow for pool day I'll bring my BLUE swimsuit cuz Lexi likes blue. It's his favorite color, don't you know?"

"Yes, Andrea, that's why I'M bringing my blue BIKINI. WHICH IS PRETTIER THAN YOURS"

(Woah some body shame there, chill out, 5 y/o me)

It was a lot of cat fighting, I swear. If it wouldn't ruin my good kid reputation then I would've yanked her light brown hair off her head. Oh, and she provoked me. She would invite all four of us girls and Alex. JUST Alex. And to my kid eyes she was flirting with him while playing golf with her plastic playset. So I striked back with MORE FLIRTING.

He was absolutely indifferent about both of us. I mean, he was FIVE. He probably only thought about candy and dirt for all I know. But he was my first crush ever, maybe the reason why I was so obsessed with blonde haired guys all through elementary school, and that's what makes me remember him so much. And the cat fighting, won't forget those nasty fights.

At the end of that year Andrea went to an all-girls school and I went to a newly established school because Alex was going to that one. We got separated next year in different classes and we never spoke again.

Fast-forward to today, Andrea has a long-term boyfriend and her own accessory bussiness. I'm in college trying to figure out life. Alex moved to the capital and I haven't heard of him since. I think about how after Alex I never got into a cat fight over a guy again. After all romantic grudges, Andrea was still my best friend. From that time on, when a friend and I like the same guy, I back off. Not because I'm losing or giving up, but because I value more our friendship. I feel like people always mention to 'respect your friendships' but we never really know exactly how. It hurt to let go sometimes, but I realized that I learnt a secret waaay before any of my friends did:

There are millions of guys in the world and giving up one (that you haven't even dated) is nothing to giving a friend who has been loyal to you quite some time.

And I've never regretted giving up a crush ever again


I've been in a relationship for quite some time now and I almost forgot how I used to have TONS of crushes on people. Some of them left a nice memory in my head and some did more harm than good, so I'm writing the story of each of them to let go completely and refresh my mind. Hopefully you'll find them fun to read, especially because I think I learnt at least one lesson in each of those crushes and have included them here. This wil be a series called 'Busy thinking about boys', in honor of Charli XCX's song, my favorite from her, and because this crushes TRULY wasted my thinking time (I daydream a lot lol).

Stay beautiful,

xo dani

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