...At least not in the way society does...

The way society sees it, marriage is a milestone in life (which is awesome because people make a shit tone of money from life-milestones like marriage, scholar education, getting babies etc).
But as always it pressures people.
I don't know why I don't believe in marriage, maybe its, because I come from a household, where marriage is a compromise.

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I remember my image from marriage crumbling when I was a little kid. In fact, I was I baby I think. And it was my earliest memory. I remember my parents fighting really badly, like really really bad, and I was sitting in the middle and crying.
What a shitty early memory.
But I was good at ignoring other of my parents fights when growing older until my best friends parents divorced.
I loved them. They were a beautiful, young, loving and energetic married couple. They welcomed me into their house as if I was another daughter. Her Dad would do some Dad jokes and her Mom would make awesome food. They were a picture-perfect family to me.
The day my best friend told me they would get a divorce the picture perfect real-life family broke apart. More than that I saw how it left my best friend like a wreck. She would cry in the middle of class, she would get angry outbursts out of nowhere hating her parents for doing that to her.
After a time, after some serious highs and lows and her growing up, she coped with it eventually.
But I did not.
I watched my parents meticulously.
Whenever I could smell a fight in the air I would run to my room and close the door.
Sometimes I would cry.
Sometimes I would just go to my room and listen to loud music, holding my ears as if I was a little kid.

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I don't believe in marriage the way society does.
Not everyone is destined to marry and live happily ever after.
I believe in people finding soulmates and their love of their lives but marriage isn't only loving. Anyone who thinks love alone would make marriage work is foolish. My best friends parents loved each other. They really did. I could tell by the way they behaved towards one another. But clearly, it wasn't enough.

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Now I am older. I still get nervous and get sweaty hands when I hear my parents fighting.
I also get angry because they always fought in front of my brother and did not give a single shit whether my brother and I would hear it.
I get angry because they ruined marriage for me.
I get angry because they don't completely hate each other, sometimes they laugh and have fun with each other, which makes me even more conflicted.
I get angry because if they would get a divorce, it would destroy my home, the way things always were, coming home and knowing that its always the same no matter how crazy the world outside is.
It would pull the rug from my feet
But I also get angry at my selfishness.
If they would get a divorce it would not be because they have fun in teasing us and like pulling the rug from their kids' feet, its because they are unhappy with the way they lives are.

  • about 2.4 million marriages a year and 1.2 million divorces happen in the US

I chose the stats from the US because it's a country that is really okay with divorces. It is socially accepted.
In other cultural milieus, it's not accepted to get a divorce. Its literally till death do us apart and we have to do this for our children.

I sound really negative but it might be surprising that I don't think we should stop marriages forever because there is no point in them, what I'm saying is that there should be no social pressure to get married.
People who don't want to get married shouldn't get shamed as if they are missing out an essential part of life.
And of course, there are these magical beautiful married couples that have been together for 50+ years and say their love feels as fresh as from day 1.

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Thank you so much for reading. And yes it's okay if you completely disagree with me.
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