"Cartoons are just for kids. You should spend your life with things that are for your age."

Oh how often I have heard that line. Sometimes formed more loving, sometime formed more hurtful.

Yes I am an adult. Almost 20 years of age, watching kids shows.
Yes I am an adult. Almost 20 years of age, wanting to play with Barbie dolls.
Yes I am an adult. Almost 20 years of age, afraid of her future.
Yes I am an adult. Almost 20 years of age, wanting to stay innocent for as long as possible because I am not ready to be grown up.

I'd like to write this beautifully, with normal reasons on why I watch cartoons but I'm afraid I can't.

When my parents divorced, I was 7, I struggles with grades and slowly fell into my BPD and Depressing, not realizing that.
When my parents divorced, I was 7.
I was 7 when my childhood got ripped away from me and I was forced to be strong and stable when I was just a child, wanting to be happy.

When I was 10-12 my friends all hit puberty and were excited. I wasn't. I cried every night because my boobs were growing. I cried because I wasn't ready to grow up. I just wanted to be a child.
My friends were mature, wearing bra's and all while I tried to fight against wearing a bra for as long as I could. "You should wear a bra, you look disgusting." is what I heard a lot of times. That hurt because I wanted to be a child.
I was also cursed with a huge pair of boobs, which I did not want. As for my period, I cried even more. I didn't ask for this, I didn't want this, I just wanted to be a child.

"She's still playing with Barbie's" Is what I heard my mom's friend whipser when I was 14. Then we moved again. I had to get rid off all my toys. I didn't want that but I was told I was too old for it.

Children's shows are my way of being that child that I always wanted to be, since I was 7. Children's shows are much deeper when you watch them with all the experience of life.

I watch Children's shows to relive the childhood that was ripped away from me.