I feel like my whole life I've defined myself by the love that I've felt and dealt. Growing up I was surrounded by great love stories, likes that I had never come close to let alone experience. When I was younger, I was always waiting for this love story to hit me out of nowhere with the force of a hurricane. It never happened. A few years have passed now since I've thought like that, and it still hasn't happened. I was surrounded by people that I loved and people who were in love but never experienced that love story for myself. I still haven't even come close, but, I've realised that I don't need it.

It all started about 6 months ago, I ended up in a relationship that I was not happy in. I remember the moments leading up to when he asked me out and I remember when he asked me out. I should never have said yes to him. I specifically remember hesitating for so long when he asked me to go out with him because obviously, I knew I didn't want to be in this relationship but because of my younger self and how much she wanted to be in a relationship, I said yes. That relationship was terrible I was incredibly avoidant because I didn't want to be in the relationship in the first place, the guy was also a good friend of mine prior to that but I was not in any way attracted to him. I may have a very cliche type but he didn't fit it at all. Long story short, the relationship showed me many different sides to him and how selfish he was. I wish I had ended it sooner than I did. However, I cannot say that I completely regret everything from that relationship.

That relationship taught me how much I valued myself and that I should never settle for any less than I deserve. It also taught me that I will not feel any more complete as a person with a significant other.

Back then I was a high school student, and now I am in my first year of University, so many things have changed since then. Especially when it comes to the love in my life.

I have discovered what it feels like to actually be attracted to someone. I have never really been attracted to anyone before but wow does University open your eyes. Moving from a high school of 3000 to a university of almost 45,000, it would be more surprising if you weren't attracted to anyone. Attraction is something I want to continue to feel and express, something that I want to learn more about. However, I also know that I don't need it to grow into more than a simple physical or mental attraction right now.

I don't need a relationship right now, I've grown from the child that thought that I needed to fall in love so completely that it consumed me, but I also know that I'm not so different since then that I can't still desire a love story of my own. I'll write my own love story one day, but I'll wait for it to be one that I deserve.