I've always felt fat. I've always had anxiety. I always had no motivation to help myself. To this day I have to do my most to just make myself happy.

Comparing myself to people is my specialty. For as long as I can remember, I hated my body. I hated how little, stupid things can get to me and ruin my mood.A flaw I have. I guess I can say I have helped myself out of depression on my own. Big accomplish for myself. I never wanted to leave my room just a year ago. I didn't talk to anyone. I cried myself to sleep. I should have got help as soon as I knew it was serious.

I don't want anything else other than happiness. I want to feel completely stress free for more than an hour. I don't want my own mind to take control. I haven't found my solution, my cure. It takes a lot of effort. A lot of motivation, and sometimes a lot of help from others to better yourself. At the end of the day only you can completely change your world around.

Now anxiety can be very difficult and different for people. Its a toxic chemical in your head. It feels like you're killing yourself with your own thoughts. The littlest things make you go mad. I cant take tests in class. I go to my guidance room because I cant handle the amount of people, the quietness, or the stress. When I feel a anxiety attack coming on I think about how bad my actually anxiety is and it makes it a lot worse. I have a few tricks to calm me down like:

- The water bottle trick, when ever you feel yourself breathing heavy and not being able to focus I unscrew the cap of my water bottle and re screw it. I focus on the spinning of the cap and I just keep doing this until I have full control of my mind again.

- The bracelet trick, I wear bracelets everyday. I count the beads and or spin it around of my wrist 20 times. I just focus on the contact of my skin to distract myself. Takes deep breaths.

Hopefully someone out there is going through the same thing. If you do, message me. I would love to talk about it. Talking about it and relating to someone on this topic makes me feel a lot better.

- Allyson