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Recently, I've been struggling a lot with making friends. I've been struggling with a lot of things, to be honest. I know it seems really controversial since I have this "blog" of positivity and advice of what to do, etc. You might be wondering, why you should even listen to me. Why take advice from someone who doesn't have it all figured out themselves? To that, I would say that no one has it all figured out. No one knows exactly what they're doing. Sometimes we just sit there wondering why the heck did I do that? or what the hell do I do now? However, there's always a room for growth. What I want is to share my experience and hopefully give a good advice, be hard and inspire. Who knows, maybe what I write can even change someone's life. Words are powerful, and they sure have had that power over me.
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So now that that's out of the way, I can get to what this article is going to be about. Recently, as I said, I have been struggling with lots of things. I never knew the reason though, but then I discovered what it was. It was that feeling of rush. The goosebumps on my skin. The one that paralyzes you, the old friend of yours that is a part of you. The one good old friend that creeps up on us in dark rooms. The one so possessive, it never lets you go. Always following, wherever you go.
Fear

Most of the time we don't even know it's there. We don't know we're leaving in fear.
I was getting a photo taken with a schoolmate. We both just stood there smiling awkwardly, while the camera guy tried to make us get closer and be more comfortable. However, we both just looked at each other, still smiling. The smile that said:

"should I invade your personal space?"

At the end of the day, we didn't and the photos turned out just weird. When I told this to my mom she asked:

"Well, Why didn't you put your arm around him, or do something with him?"

To what I responded with:

"oh, I couldn't do that"

She asked why, and I was going to answer, but really there was no answer there. I didn't know what to say. Then I realized the truth, I was afraid, afraid that he'd be offended. But, if I had done it, we would have ended up with great pictures, instead of the awkward ones we have left right now.
My fear held me back!
I didn't know it I thought I was just being polite, by not invading his personal space. When in reality all I did was ruin the f*cking pictures because I was too scared to mess around with him, for the photos.

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When I realized it, everything suddenly came into a perspective. I was doing it all the time, suppressed myself from doing things I really wanted to do because I was afraid of the outcome. I always wanted to be friends with this one girl, but I didn't talk to her because I was afraid she would tell me off. So I told this to my other friend, who then forced me to text her. I did. It went something like: "oh, I'm so glad we're friends you're so much fun, don't know what I would do without you" That's what my friend forced me to text her after we talked for a bit. I thought it was stupid, I thought the girl would be like what the hell you're talking about how are we friends? To my great surprise, she responded with: "me tooooo, Omg thank gosh you're staying" I could not believe it, the fear of the outcome had been holding me back from doing this for so long.
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What I earned from this is: you should never let your fear control you, and from now I will always stay aware of its presence and take action against it.
It can prevent you from doing so many amazing things!
So now I have a little challenge if you're up to it. During the following week, every single time you identify fear in the situation, do exactly what you're afraid of doing (make sure it's not life threatening don't go jumping into the fire or off a cliff, please) and then see how the outcome is different from what you thought it would be. You can even message me and we can talk about it.

Don't over think it, you get the urge to do it do it.

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Anyway, it's 2 am, I don't think this is as good as the other articles I've written so far. Though, due to the fact that I decided to post every Monday and Friday (maybe), I decided to upload this. This is just a quick message that I wanted to get out there.
- Angelinpurgatory
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