It sucks, everyone around me is having the time of their lives and they should have, cause they are teenagers. But seeing that, makes me realize the fact that I'm not like them, I can't be like them. They fall in love, kiss, have sex, do things that they are afraid to do but they do it anyway, get in trouble, spending too much money on something really stupid, get into a random train and just go, and a million others things... And me? I'm laying in bed, crying and thinking why I can't be like them, I'm not living, I'm just breathing and surviving. I can't fool around with other people because I'm too afraid that they will judge me or won't like me. I don't go out like all of my friends do, I'm afraid I might dance weird and people will look at me and think I'm a moran. I don't go to my friends party's or to get togethers because even my friends, don't feel like actual friends, I'm feeling left out and I'm feeling like that is my fault… I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I don't go out and basically I'm just not like them.
I'm dealing with depression.
I'm dealing with anxiety.
And I just can't tell that to anyone.
I'm stuck in this small town, with small-minded people.
They will probably laugh at me if I would even in a million years tell anyone that I'm dealing with depression.
They use the word depression if, for example, they see someone they hate walking by.
They'll be like: ugh, that girl is making me feel depressed.
They use depression like it's NOTHING but it could ruin you, it could destroy you, it could kill you.
They fucking don't even know what anxiety is.
I'm dealing with stress, everyone is dealing with this at least ones in their lives, right?
Well, I can't get out of bed, I'm exhausted and can't find the energy or motivation to do what so ever.
I'm mentally, physically and emotionally so exhausted and I feel like this is never going to stop.
But on the other hand, I'm too tired to care about anything or anyone.
I know I'm doing bad, very bad but I just can't do anything about it expect for staring at the wall, staring out of the window, staring at the people who have their lives all figured out.
I don't know how much longer I can pretend.
One day, I'm gonna break down in tears in front of everyone.
I can't do this anymore.
All of a sudden everyone starts to care.
But it's too late...