i'm scared. i'm absolutely petrified, each day goes by and i'm wasting it like life isn't this valuable thing that very few are lucky to have or to my extent. it annoys me how i take everything for granted, how i'm so selfish and think that i deserve so much better than i have or am insane enough to believe that everything happens for a reason and that my bad childhood will pass and i will fulfill all my dreams in adulthood. but i wont. life isn't fucking great we aren't put here for a purpose we are just here. i want to stop wishing. stop being so hopeful that things will get better. that people will feel sorry for me because of my shitty life that in reality isn't all that bad i mean ill admit its not that fantastic but i have a house. i have a bed to sleep in. i eat everyday. i'm healthy . i have an education. things some people could only wish for! yet i sulk about not being able to live my life, everyone is off having a great life while i find satisfaction in being on my own at home and only ever hate myself for realizing i i have no one. i'm alone in this world. no one cares. all i want is for someone to care about me and help me through life because i'm stupid and i think i need someone .

i need to love myself . not only love my appearance . not not just look in the mirror and think i'm beautiful but to see myself the way any lover would, to see the beauty behind my smile or the heart of gold behind my actions. no one can care about me the way i should. i need to love myself .