i see it all,
the way they look at you.

the way their eyes twinkled when you laughed and when you talked to me so sweetly.

i wasn't worried at first,
but then you started to worry what they'd think of you.
you started grooming
and stopped paying attention to me,
only listening to their words.

i heard about it from others,
how they only talked to you now because you were happy.

"they like him because they think he'll be cute when he's older."

those words seeped into my skin and i cried for you.
my god, how could they not see your current beauty.

i called you night after night,
telling you how you never miss me,
how you lie about calling me back just to stop my crying.

until i couldn't anymore.
i told you and my loved,
your voice broke me completely.

"but i thought i was funny?
maybe even cool?"

"you are so cool baby boy."

i couldn't convince you otherwise after that.
i would tell you the truth and you'd snap at me.
i was spewing lies,
jealousy didn't look good on me.

i didn't have any energy to be jealous or angry anymore.
and all of a sudden i didn't have energy to keep on trying for you, for us.

i left us,
i don't remember if i said goodbye anymore.

i just wanted to say i wasn't lying,
i've always told you i wasn't a good liar and you would even tease me.
my cheeks would go red when i did.

and i think you knew i wasn't lying either and you just wanted me to shut up.

because you could also see the twinkle in their eyes,
just like mine that the three of you snuffed out.

i want it back.