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Hello again, beautiful souls!

Today, I want to chat with you about something everyone seems to struggle with in life. Feeling the need to get validation from others. Heck, what's life if you don't get to share it with others, right?

Wrong. It's not about other people. You can't be the best version of yourself, if you're eyeballing everyone around you to find out how they're living their lives, so you can try and be like them. This deprives you of anything and everything that makes you, you. Your own unique personality and talents get lost in the crowd, so the world (as well as you) never gets to enjoy the best you have to offer.

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Wanting approval from others is the number one cause for people to lose touch with their true selves. Which makes sense, because when the majority of your choices and actions in life are motivated by the desire to get people to like you, you end up telling them what they want to hear and trying to be someone they would find impressive. In the mean time, you’re left worrying incessantly about what others think of you, fearing criticism and holding yourself back as a result.

And I'm not even talking about how it is downright impossible to keep other people happy, no matter how hard you try. You've got to do you, for you.

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Once you move past waiting for others to recognise your potential, you will be free to achieve and create what you want in life with much less stress and effort. You will make decisions based on what is right for you. You make effective choices with your time, are okay with saying no when it is required, and are committed to only doing that which is important and valuable for what you want to achieve or create in your life.

In this space, you spend less time in your head worrying about people and situations, and more time just getting things done. You don’t need to be busy in order to appear successful. Instead, you choose to see success as measured by doing what matters to you and to your results. This is a collaborative space where you lead and connect effectively with others, without being at their beck and call. So, let’s see what we can do to get you there.

"When we consciously acknowledge and accept who we are to our core and what we desire most in this world, we find that we can be more open, honest and truthful to the people we surround ourselves with."
― Mo Seetubtim

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There are lots of red flags to look out for if you want to find out what you should be doing to get over your need for approval.

1. Constantly avoiding confrontation or taking action.

When you procrastinate, avoid doing important things, feel anxiety and get stuck in worry and rumination, you need to get out of your own way. The only way for you to get anywhere close to where you want to be, is to stop avoiding everything that scares or intimidates you, and start taking full responsibility for your own choices.

Embrace new opportunities and do your best to overcome challenges. That’s how you make sure you’re always evolving and taking action to create positive change in your life.

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2. Doing too much for the sake of being busy.

When you find yourself worrying all the time, trying to please everyone, not making time for yourself, working too hard and being unable to say no, you should focus on how your need for approval is causing you to do too much instead of only what is important, and to do things for others at the expense of yourself.

Practise identifying when you’re wanting for someone else to say that you did the right thing, and when you’re making decisions or taking action in a way that aligns with who you are. With every decision you make, check in with yourself to see if it really feels right. Are you doing it for you or just to avoid disapproval? Remind yourself that it is your choice and give yourself validation for just being you.

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3. Not knowing what’s important to you.

Maybe you’ve already reached a point in your life where what others think of you has little impact on your decision-making. However, your performance is low due to other motivational factors, such as being unaware of what is important to you, what drives you, and what makes you happy. You may be stuck doing work you don’t really enjoy and have habits that hinder your performance, or you may not have the skills to work effectively at what you are doing.

If this is you, dig deep and really think about why you do the things you do. This will help you figure out what you really want in your life and act upon this to make it happen.

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4. Being unsure of what it means to follow your intuition.

When you often feel disconnected from your true self, you’re probably just unaware of what your intuition is telling you, or you don’t actually know how to listen. However, if you don’t know what you desire in your life, it becomes that much easier to fall prey to helping others achieve their goals and dreams, whilst losing your own sense of achievement and purpose.

Following your gut is not just a metaphor. We really do some of our thinking with our guts. Your gut feeling may let you know that you’re stressed or excited before your mind does by giving you a stomach ache, a feeling of butterflies in your stomach, or that distinctive sinking feeling that you get when you hear bad news.

If your stomach hurts or feels uncomfortable when you’re dealing with or even thinking about particular situations or people, this may be your intuition telling you that they are a source of stress for you. Be aware of these signals, and take a break, or avoid the triggering situation or person if possible.

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It’s a wrap!

This was kind of a challenging post for me to write, since I honestly went through all the phases I’ve mentioned. However, I feel so happy and proud to say that I’ve come a long way since then, and I have worked hard to get over my self-limiting beliefs.

I hope this post helped you get to know more about how to let go of what other people think of you. Which one of these red flags speaks truth to you? Let me know!